The God Gaps

When you're a part of the work set in motion by the creator of the universe, letting go becomes passing the baton. In doing this, we don't have to say goodbye, we are just being entrusted with different things. Sometimes this is because God has finished His work in us that needed to be completed. But, especially recently, I've seen all too clearly that my letting go opens up a gap, a place that God has chosen others to fill for their appointed time. Selfishly the things that I love, I want to hold tight to. But I'm realizing over and over again, that letting go opens a gap, not only of the things were letting go of, but also in the things God wants to give us. Gaps are good. Not easy, but good. Gaps leave space between our capabilities and God divine purposes. We are not often asked to let go of things that are insignificant to us. Most times we are asked to let go of things we hold most dear so we can reset priorities, rearrange dreams, and remember that we are not the faithful ones in the equation of God + Us. Life has so often reminded me of the story of the boy with his dad walking along the beach. The boy searching for the greatest seashell he can find, collects others small ones along the way. He father, on the other hand, finds the biggest seashell on the beach and wants to give it to his son. But in order for the son to get the biggest seashell, he must let go of all he is holding on to. That is my life in a nutshell ... Or seashell... Ohhhh so bad it's good ... Nope just bad :/

But I feel like this season is so much of letting go. So many things I love, He's telling me to leave. Little moments and big moments alike that have defined my time in Italy and I have to let it go. There has to be a gap. I think so often we live in a tension - there's a gap and we need to fill it. God says there's a gap and only I can fill it. You can strive all you like to try, but you'll wear yourself out and never fill it all on your own. You can wait and walk with me or you can run at your pace that you think the gap should be filled and become worn out. Living in the gap is a gift when so often we see it as failure. God asks us to let go of things to make room. Never have I ever let go of something to get less than what I gave up in the first place. It's always more... Immeasurably more. That's our God. Gaps change as the seasons pass. There's always something new on the horizon. New is different, new is scary, new is surrender taken to a different level. New leaves gaps. Sometimes "new" is going back to something that no longer looks familiar. My new will be walking back to the place I call home and not knowing what I'm walking into, where I'm supposed to go, or how long I'll be there. And it's ok.

It's ok. It is well. I believe it with all of my heart. I am incapable of figuring my life out successfully. My plans are so often changed for the better, that stepping back and surrendering looks so much more fulfilling. Not easy by any means, says the girl who would if she could plan every moment of the next 5 years of my life. But I love that in Italy, of all places, God showed me what surrender looks like, what being refined and coming out victorious on the other side feels like, what walking through a scary wilderness with nothing to offer and opening my hands to accept Him... And it was always enough. He was always more than enough. Everything I ever lacked, He gave me more. Everything I ever dreamed, He gave me so much more. As I am about to leave this season and into the next, I'm confident of one thing: I'm not walking into easy. Yes, one season is soon to be over, but God isn't calling me back into a life of "I have it all figured out and life is exactly how I planned." And if I'm being honest, I can say I don't want that life anymore. Sometimes God has to call us out of comfort to show us we are capable of more than predicable with Him. The last 20 months have been anything but predictable. But my list of things I would have liked to happen have been so far exceeded, my hands remain open in surrender because His ways are higher and SOOOO MUCH BETTER! I claimed immeasurably more coming to Italy, and that is exactly what it was. And the amazing thing is that God doesn't give us a quota of immeasurably more. Immeasurably More isn't over now that I've almost finished this season - God is immeasurably more. Walking with Him always gives us immeasurably more - but it's not always in the ways we think. God keeps us guessing, that's the fun and scary part! The gaps don't scare Him. They invite Him in to more of our lives. In the next season I'll claim the gaps and believe for only immeasurably more to fill it. He is so good. I'm just in awe and so thankful.