Ticket Booked Into My New Season

I'll be honest. I wasn't going to share this blog with many people. I feel like in sharing this, its making the statement to God in saying, "I accept what is coming." Time in Italy has shown me how to accept the unexpected and look forward to the destruction of my "good" plans and believing for God's bigger plans….SO SO much bigger.

So, here I am, sitting on my balcony in Rome, Italy, watching the clouds roll in and the rain begin to fall, and all I know to do is praise Him. Let this be my declaration to live with the open hands and accept what He's offering and where He is taking me.

Time to make room.

April 16, 2015

I booked my ticket into my next season today.

I just realized that my time in this season has been given an end date. If you had asked me in September of last year if I would have been happy about moving on, I would have said yes. I would have been ready for everything that was to come, and I would have known exactly where I would fit back in to life in Georgia. Well, this isn’t September of last year anymore, and the tears have already flowed thinking about leaving this season, when I still have a few more months. The fact that that is my reaction in the first place, is nothing short of a miracle. I know that sounds crazy, but the moment I realized God changed my heart from the girl who wanted to go “home” to the one who was ready to embrace this season and jump all in to what He wanted to give me, was when I could actually feel chains breaking loose. There was freedom of gripping so tightly to my plans and living in the state of surrender that I desired, but I knew was way to scary to embrace. God asked me to stay in September because He knew I wasn’t ready to go into a new season without the things that were to come in fulfilling the plans in this season. I “knew” where I wanted to be, and for most of my time last year, I lived “knowing” I would be there if I could just get out of this season. Ha. That’s no way to live in the first place, I can see that now. To live in full surrender is probably the scariest, craziest, and most fulfilling thing God could ever ask anyone to do. I’ve learned that instead of gripping to things that I want to happen, I can hold tightly to the things I know to be true, and let God, the giver of dreams and desires, fulfill the things inside of me that I don’t ACTUALLY know how to fulfill properly…MIND BLOWING, and difficult.

Going home never seemed scary until now. Only because the “me” that left, isn’t the “me” that is returning. There are changes that I already know will take place that I would have never dreamed would be true. The letting go of dreams and finding new ones. Being given a voice, new passions, new hopes, new places to go, is empowering. My plane ticket isn’t taking me back home to do and be what I was in January 2014. God changed everything. I see Him differently. To see the reality of how He works when all seems hopeless. To see the way He provides when you’re up against a wall and all you can do is pray. I’ve seen God provide people for my church EXACTLY at the moment we needed them. Little did they know they were stepping into something so much bigger than themselves. I’ve seen God provide money when I just wanted to go see my family in August. I’ve seen God turn my small salary into JUST ENOUGH every single month. I may not always come out in the positives, but it’s never negative, it’s always just the amount that was needed. I’ve seen God change hearts to love Him. I’ve seen God begin a great work in the hearts of children. I’ve seen people step up in times of need, not to be “seen” but because their genuine love for Jesus drives them to serve and to love as He did. I’ve seen God ignite passions in people and I’ve seen platforms being built for them to carry out those passions for His glory. I’ve seen God set dreams on fire to allow greater dreams to take root and begin to grow.

God in the comfort zone looks so small. But God, when you have nothing to give, when you step out of comfort, when you say “yes” even when it seems crazy, is beautiful.  I will probably be processing how big God is just from seeing Him so clearly over the last year and a half for the rest of my life. Once you taste and see Him in this way, life doesn’t look the same. I believe that God isn’t calling me to step back into something, He’s calling me to step into something new, something I haven’t even thought of yet. 

Even so, It Is Well With My Soul