WHAT IS LIFE?!

As conversations have unfolded just over the last few days, I have realized so many amazing people in my life are in the same place as I, the "I don't know what is happening chaos of living in your 20's-30's!" There are two groups that most all of my friends fall under: The “I'm getting married/having babies” stage or the “I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, everything is changing so quickly” stage. Since I have no expertise in group number 1, I will just stand amazed in the power and faithfulness of God in your life! That being said, group número due (number 2 in Italian.. I know... I'm almost bilingual!) - I feel you! With every ounce of my being, I understand.

We hear people speak on how beautiful it is to be in the unknown or to have the space to “find yourself”… we support those in these times and pray for their strength to carry on… and then, we too, enter this “stage” and it doesn’t seem as beautiful as it sounds. It is actually painful. And difficult. And a whirlwind. And we settle in the unknown because God is pulling back the parts of our lives that were never “us” in the first place. God has recently confirmed that I am not alone, but it leaves me wondering what do I do?

He has settled me on the far side of the sea, in the most unsettling way. In one plane ride, He everything changed. I, the queen of travel and adventure, now stand alone and scared living in the answer to my prayers. And this is exactly where God wanted me. I have nothing I would have reached for back home, and even if I try I come up empty. Why? Because God knows that reaching for anything else besides Him will fall short of the longings in my heart anyway. How beautiful that He would take me out of my “known” into the whirlwind of grace that He offers in uncertainty. I have chatted to so many people and we all have one thing in common, NOTHING MAKES SENSE. For many of you, you didn’t even have to move anywhere to feel this way about this stage you currently sit in. The life that at one point provided everything we needed is now taken away, the jobs that once filled us have left a void, and the people we looked to for advice or even approval have disappeared into thin air. We are in a wilderness, coming up dry of things that once used to spring us back to life. And God has succeeded. Not in a “mawhaha I ruined you life” way, but in a “FINALLY, I have you where I want you” way. I finally asked Him, “God why must you bring me to the wilderness to find myself.” His response, short and perfect, “I didn’t take you to the wilderness to find yourself, I brought you into the wilderness to find me. Only when you find me, will you realize the ‘You’ I created you to be.”

The painful process of constantly peeling back the layers of ‘me’ that hid my most delicate and raw being. Just like an onion, He is peeling back layers and layers of the protection I formed against who I really am. Day by day, He rips another Band-Aid off my heart to give Him space for the renovation that He is performing. I am in a space to find myself, in a place that so many yearn for and I have no idea what I look like. I don’t know what my dreams are, I don’t know what I like to do for fun, I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, and the list can continue on for days. I don’t know anything about me. I just keep reaching. Yearning for Him. Though this process leaves me in pain most days, I know it is not in vain.

I may not know much about this season of our life but I am certain of a few things: God isn't giving us all of the answers because He wants our undivided trust. He isn't showing us the steps to take past the tips of our noses because He wants us to walk in the faithfulness of right now! Have you ever thought about that? Right now, in this very moment, He wants to bless you, He has blessed you. He is in the chaos with you, but He also sees beyond that to the calm at the end of the storm. We are coming up short because He is changing everything. The life we once knew has turned to rubble, because He is preparing us! For what? Haha I wish I knew the answer, hence why this season is so unknown. But how patient is He to walk with us in the preparation for something greater.

My prayer for all of us is that we can settle in the uncertainty. Even in the midst of chaos, He is our constant. Meaning, if you reach for Him…He is there. He will always be there. We don’t have to strain our eyes to see what is coming, we can grasp hold of the hand that walks with us right now and is enough for us in this moment. You are not alone. I am not alone. Trust this beautiful, painful, preparation process of grace. You are a force for good.We may feel as though everything is changing but God is at work to show the world THROUGH our lives the power of who He truly is. It may look completely different but that is because God cannot be contained to the small box size lives we may be living. You have what it takes because of the power of the Holy Spirit  that lives within you! Let Him work. Stand back and be amazed!