I've never truly been able to measure the strength of how God upholds me, until this moment. Not that I've never seen it, but many times I've seen it as an after effect of an experience or alone time with Him. He has quickly changed my perspective. I am mentally overexerted, I am challenged, yet, He alone in this present moment, is my constant. At times I feel like I have been thrown into the unknown waters of the ocean, but I've never been so at peace. I have asked why here, why now, and what am I doing with only one answer, "You don't need to know why, you just need to walk with Me." This. Is. Hard. Especially because before any walking, I like to plan where I am going so I don't get lost. This time is different. Today, I walked about 4 extra miles around Rome because I got lost. I tried to speak Italian to someone and failed miserably... as in I was trying to say "Good morning, have a nice day" and said "Thank you, bye." You could say I choked a little bit! But in what I see as failure God sees as change, little by little. God is constant because He is obviously perfect. I, on the other hand, fall devastatingly short of this perfection. He has me on this road to see change but to also see grace. I don't give myself enough sometimes - I wanted to show up the perfect little Mary Poppins, who speaks perfect Italian, and has all the right answers. Reality smacked me in the face to say, "You have none of the above." God speaks into my life saying," I'm preparing you to be something beyond the you you want to be." And all I can do is to give myself with open hands and speak, "But because you say so, I will."
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