My Story. Written, yet Unknown.

My Story, Written yet Unknown.

Nashville, TN - that sounded good to me. I tried to get there - three times to be exact. For some reason it never worked out. That would have been my perfect little story. That's exactly it, MY story. But I've come realize I am just the person allowed to live out my story. I don't write it.

I've never been the girl who knew what she wanted to do since the age of 3.5. I've always gone back and forth. Teacher. Basketball player. Lazy bum who does nothing all day. Business owner. CEO. Most of my options just left me confused, even to this day. "What do you want to be" sends my head into oblivion and my response would probably be whatever first came to mind, and it would probably be a lie. Whatever sounded good at the moment. Until this year.

This past year has been nothing short of a whirlwind. I’ve learned more than I could have ever expected. I’ve learned how to be still. I’ve learned how to run. I’ve seen God work miracles in others lives. As I have been reflecting back on the numerous events, open doors, crashing walls of this past year, I decided to find my new years resolution on facebook. Why? Because somewhere deep down I knew those words sparked something in my heart to allow myself to see God, truly see God, for the first time this year.

                            

I found it. These words made this whole year make sense… as much as it possibly could. January 6, 2013. My bold proclamation to God was “Hey, I want you to do something huge. Something beyond what I can think. I want to see miracles. I need you to show up in ways that are immeasurably more.”

Yeah…. That happened. The year isn’t even over and it is taking my brain 100% capacity to somewhat comprehend the immeasurably more that God has prepared and is continuing to prepare for me. For ME! Come on – how many times have I prayed words just because I knew they sounded so spiritual and eloquent? May this writing come with fair warning, When challenging the God of the universe to step up and be bold in your life, a life that He Himself created, a path that He Himself is preparing… just hold on. I prayed because it sounded good. God acted because He had immeasurably more waiting. Waiting for what – I may never know fully – but I think He was waiting for the moment when I had nothing to give, nothing prepared, no plan, and no means for the journey. Coming to the end of our self means the beginning of where we allow God to be fully in control, fully Himself, and in that we may live fully alive.

Let me rewind.

September 8, 2013. I sat in the North Carolina mountains with some of my favorite people on the planet, the girls in my Bible Study, The Crescendo. As the trip came to an end, I thought it would be a great idea for each of the girls to write a letter to God, to challenge Him for the upcoming year. To tell him desires, wants, and longings. One year. If I’m being honest, I walked around the house taking pictures, cleaning, anything to look busy enough to get out of it. I can’t get away with anything with these ladies, however, and eventually I sat down to write. “Be bold in what you write” screaming in the back of my mind. Isn’t that the uber spiritual way to pray? Pray in boldness. I didn’t know what that meant, but I prefaced my letter by saying to God, “I want to be bold in what I put on my paper.”

And bold I was.

“September 8

God, let this mark a year of change for me. I don't know what that looks like right now, but I know you have a path in preparation for me to know you more. God I desire to trust you with every ounce of my being. I desire for my heartbeat to be completely in time with yours. God, I desire adventure. I desire love. God, I desire healing over brokenness, broken relationships, and broken hearts. God, I want to ask you to do something huge, something that sheds light on your greatness. I want to travel, I want to be so dependent on you. You know better than I. God, I pray that within a year, next September 8, 2014 I won't be in the same place I am right now, that I will fight this fight you placed before me and not look back for anything. God, we are doing a great work and I cannot come down.”

Have you ever boldly prayed a prayer? I think sometimes we hide behind “being bold” because we know that God isn’t great enough to actually come through in our dreams and hopes…or even those things we don’t know we hope of yet. It was a pretty prayer, one that I was certain that would claim boldness yet stay in certainty and comfort. God had other plans.

I woke up one morning and went on Facebook… One of my friends, Bekah, had posted pictures in Italy. I was instantly blown away. Something in my spirit told me to message her. My initial response was, “I haven’t talked to her in years, that is awkward, and I realllly don’t want to be THAT person.” But, nonetheless, I listened to the prompting. I received a message a few short minutes after from Bekah saying:

 “I just got chills. God is soo incredible the way he works. My boss/host mom was talking with me yesterday if I had any friends interested in taking my place when I leave. I told her I would be thinking and see who i.could.think of and now one day later u send me this amazing message!!”

Not exactly the response I had imagined, but I’m not writing this story. I asked God for immeasurably more, He answered with something so beyond my wildest dreams it left me only to believe it was exactly what I asked for, yet didn’t know I was asking for! Weeks went by, and I began to message with Bekah and the mom of the family in Italy. In the back of my mind, this opportunity was so far out in left field it didn’t make any sense for it to turn into a reality. I will never forget my friend Rukiya telling me, “Kristi, God speaks ahead of time. He is preparing you for something bigger than what you can see and in this moment He is speaking into your future!”

God spoke and His voice was confusing and beautiful all at the same time. God said, “Italy.” I said, “that’s not possible.” God said, “I am Bigger.” I said, “prove it.” God said, “watch me!”

If I can, let me recap all of the ways I fell short of this plan.

A few weeks after God began speaking the reality of Italy over my life, my car was broken into – EVERYTHING was stolen. My passport, my license, my social security card, by books, my money, my credit cards, my purse…aka my life! Everything that I could have offered to help God out in His little endeavors to get me to Italy, in a split second, vanished. I physically had nothing, let alone the mental capacity to comprehend such an immeasurably more story as He was crafting before my eyes. It left me at ground zero…I had nothing to give. The gap between where God wanted me and where I actually was growing larger with every passing moment. I had a negative bank account, bills coming every which way, a car I knew I had to sell in order to get overseas, and a job where each week posed different hours and income. In this moment, I realized I had only one decision to make, jump on board with this immeasurably more or strive on my own to get to this unknown destination. I finally said, “Yes. I’m ready. Let’s do this, God.” My plans aside, my heart on His foundation, and my soul willing to walk into this journey.”

I may have been walking into an unknown, but I knew the prayer my heart was praying. It was sure. It was bold. It asked for immeasurably more.

“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the water, wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander. And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.” – by Hillsong United.

This song quickly shifted from a beautiful song to my heart cry. It made everything within me make sense and my heart could finally put words to its longing. I want that, and in God’s goodness He is offering it to me in this very moment. I am in a constant state of being overwhelmed by His grace and love.

I remember sitting down at bible study and telling the girls what was happening stating, “If I am in Italy in January, it will be a miracle.” I am living in a miracle. Within the last few days, God filled the gaps. Every. Single. One.

My dad. I can not handle. It is not every day that God allows your father’s generosity to be one way He fills a gap. My car I was planning on selling, daddy bought it from me, paid it off, and will now get to drive my dream car around. Not only that, he helped me pay for my ticket to get to Italy. Two ways that God made this immeasurably more seem a lot more real. My dad and I sat down to buy my ticket and it all came to fruition….

The day I booked my ticket. The day I prayed for immeasurably more in the beginning of this year. They are the same.

January 6.

January 6, 2013 -I asked God for immeasurably more this year.

January 6, 2014 – I am headed to Rome, Italy.