My Colorado Journey :)

Whenever you remember times gone by….

Colorado. For many, they call this place home. For me, Colorado is where I found life. About a year and a month ago, I moved to Aspen, Colorado. Looking back it was nothing short of God’s hand that even got me here in the first place. After graduation, I was determined to live in Colorado. I had my heart set on either Steamboat or Breckenridge, but God had other plans. I applied to 15 jobs in Breckenridge and one in this place called Aspen. I had only two interviews for the jobs I applied for in Breckenridge, and no callbacks after that point. Not knowing that Aspen and Breckenridge weren’t the same place, I had decided to accept a phone interview for a position as a lift operator. After the interview, I was offered the position on the condition that I could make it out to aspen in the next few days. This was approximately 1 week after I graduated at this point, but I was ready to live in Breckenridge, Colorado…or so I thought. I accepted the position and began to research this mountain called Highlands in Breckenridge. To my dismay…there is no Highlands Mountain in Breckenridge…you see this mountain was located in Aspen, Colorado. I was, honestly, devastated by this news. I decided to go for it anyway, not really knowing where Aspen was, what it was, or what I was supposed to do when I got there. I remember taking the Colorado Mountain Express to get to this Aspen place, and as we passed all of the signs for Breckenridge I became even more hesitant to see what Aspen had to offer. I went, nonetheless. It was at that point that my plan was interrupted, I knew what I wanted but it was not what God had for me. I spent the first two weeks in Aspen alone in a hotel-turned-apartment about an hour bus ride outside of Aspen. I felt alone, I second-guessed every decision I made up to that point, but God’s grace was guiding me the whole time, even when I wasn’t listening. 

I ended up finding housing in Snowmass, one of the mountains that is owned by the Aspen Skiing Company, and was placed with three random girls. God thing – I think yes! I went, hesitantly, in to this new apartment and came out with new best friends. I spent my winter having the time of my life! My roommates and I could find fun in just about anything and were practically attached at the hip. But winter didn’t last forever. They left about two weeks before my job ended at Highlands, and again, I was alone. At this point, I did not know where to turn. So, in normal Kristi fashion, I went to Target. I was searching for something to read, something to do, or something to watch when I stumbled upon a book called, “ The Purpose Driven Life.” I had heard about this book before and I was at an intersection where I needed to figure out my purpose so I figured it couldn’t hurt to search through the pages for answers. Not only did I find answers, this point was the basis for what was to come in my life. From the beginning of May around May 10, I was home from Aspen because it was off-season – pretty much a time when there is nothing open, no one in town, and you have to get out or you will die of boredom…literally. I remember being at my lake house with a few of my friends, and something came up about a series that Andy Stanley was doing called, “The New Rules for Love Sex and Dating.” I decided to listen to it on my 26-hour drive back from Atlanta to Aspen. I figured what the heck, nothing was working up to this point in the world of dating so maybe having this input would help me out. I wish I could tell you I expected what happened, but no one is ever ready for a holy slap across the face. I remember hitting the Nashville border and deciding to play the podcast from my phone…approximately 25 minutes later, I was pulled over on the side of the road balling my eyes out. I had just heard the story that changed my life, forever, whether I wanted it to or not.

'Andy was talking about getting a group of people together before he started the series to discuss the dating scene these days, understand the terminology, and just see what it is like to be single and looking in this crazy world. There was a girl who started talking about her experiences with dating. She said she had grown up in a Christian home, went to church all her life, but moved to Atlanta after college and wanted to get into the dating scene. At that point, she decided to put Jesus on the back burner, not that she didn’t believe, He just wasn’t going to be a factor in her dating relationships. One night, there was a gathering somewhere and she ended up meeting a guy. She described him as the total package, he had looks, a good job, and was a Christian. When she went home, she told her mom about the guy that she met and said that her mother turned to her and said, “ Sweetheart, the problem is, a guy like him, isn’t looking for a girl like you.”'

“A guy like him, isn’t looking for a girl like you.”

A guy, like the one I want so baldy for myself, would never look for a girl like me, the girl I let myself become. Those words have rung so loudly in my head to this day. Who I was, isn’t who I wanted to be. How can I expect someone to love me when I don’t even love myself? That moment, in Nashville, Tennessee changed my life forever. I don’t know who that girl was, but I know she wasn’t alone. I am so thankful for her mothers bravery in telling her daughter that simple, yet, powerful truth. Needless to say, on my 26-hour journey, I was accompanied by the message of Andy Stanley 26 times. On repeat. For 26 hours. If you would like me to repeat it to you…I can…word for word! The next week in the series, Andy challenged those who were single to take a year off from dating to focus on God and who He wants us to become for our future spouse. So, I did. I took a year off. I am currently in month 9 – 9 months that I never thought I would get through, but that was when I was living for myself and not for a greater purpose in which God has set out for me.

So, the Kristi/Jesus began May 14, 2011. The first day of my “one year challenge.” I don’t know about you, but when I am given a challenge, I take it…must be a Honaker pride thing, but I can guarantee there is no challenge like the “One-Year Challenge.” Before this point, I had never believed that a person so set in their ways could change, and I was right. I could never change on my own. The change that has completely transformed my life was nothing short of a miracle, a miracle that I did not deserve. Jesus changed me. End of story. It was nothing that I did, nothing I so tightly held on to, and nothing I reached for to find satisfaction. You see, grace is getting something we do not deserve. And grace is what Jesus has offered me and what he offers each of us. Jesus found me, when I was nothing but a failure. I reached for everything that never satisfied, yet He still wanted me, He still loved me, and He still died for me. I gave up on myself. I was worth nothing. Without Him I would still feel that way. You have no idea how amazing it feels to feel love, purpose, and grace. I want so badly for every person I know to experience this grace and love that is only found in Jesus.

So, through my next few months in Colorado, I was transformed. I was put through the ringer in life, yet all the while grasping onto the love of Jesus. Looking back, I don’t even want to know where I would be today if I went to Breckenridge. I had a plan, but God’s was always greater. His hand guided me when I was not even I didn’t care, when I was blinded in my sin, when I was hiding in a pit, unwilling to look up. I know I have already talked about Passion and how greatly that has influenced my life. I am so blessed just to call that the pentacle of this journey so far. I have realized that Colorado is not my home, but it is where I finally found satisfaction in knowing Jesus for the first time. No matter how long someone goes to church, until you truly let Jesus love you, it will only be a Sunday routine. I have realized that even when I believed I was worthless, Jesus spoke life and joy into me, and has ignited a flame that will never burn out. I am sad that my time in Colorado is quickly coming to an end, for now. I have been so blessed to make friends, been through challenges, and come out on the other side stronger. But, I am ready for the next chapter of the Kristi/Jesus adventure where the light He has given me will shine in the darkness. Greece. Here we come! J