If faith can move the mountains...Let the mountains move!!!

My journal from May 14, 2011 - 

One year. One year from May 14, 2011 - resume dating. No dating, no nothing...at all. Just me and God figuring out this thing that we call life. I realize this is probably going to be the hardest year of my life, but I am His and I am beautiful to Him. I am not a commodity, I am His child and His love. I owe Him all of me and I'm starting with this year. I can finally say I am ready for this transformation. I'm not here to waste anyone's time, especially not the One who has lifted me from the depths of dispair and was waiting for me with open arms to come back. So, here we go...This is officially day #1 - Me and God...Let's Do This!!

Today!! May 14, 2012

One year...aka 52 weeks...aka 365 days...aka 525,948.766 minutes - is OVER!! May 14, 2011 God put it on my heart to undertake a task that I never thought I would see the end of...give up dating for a year. Now, to some people this may not seem like a big deal - but to the people who knew me 366 days ago...this was a HUGE deal. No dating, no NOTHING...one year! Some of my friends laughed in my face when I told them, others were extremely supportive (thank you more than words can say to those who were... seriously would not have made it without your prayers and guidance!)- but even I didn't realize at the time the true meaning behind why I got myself into this awful whole year without dating deal...but God did. My  reasoning was pretty much because nothing else was working - isn't that when we turn to God? When everything is going wrong and we can't seem to figure it out ourselves? Only at that point did I let God step in and unbeknownst to myself - it was a year that would begin with a focus on dating and relationships and change into something so much more powerful, so much more eternal.

Many of you know the story behind this "year thing" but I'll sum it up for those of you who haven't heard. I was back home for a few days in my off season from Aspen, and I was at the lakehouse with some of my friends. I can't remember how we got on the subject but my bffl Brittany started telling me about a new series that Andy Stanley had started called "The New Rules for Love, Sex and Dating." (If the title alone doesn't reel you in...we have problems.) She was talking about how great it was and that I should really listen to it. All I needed to hear was the title and I was ready to go! So, I promised I would listen and on my drive from Woodstock to Aspen (yes...26 hours) I decided to plug it in and see what Andy had to say.

Approximately 25 minutes and 15 seconds into part one of this series, I was pulled over on the side of the road balling my eyes out. God has broken me to my core in a matter of seconds. Andy had just finished a story about a girl who moved to Atlanta and wanted to get into the dating scene, so she decided to put God on the back-burner. Not that she didn't believe in God, but He just wasn't going to be a factor in her relationships. A while down the road she was at a gathering and met a guy who was "The whole package." She said he had the looks, the job, the personality and he was a Christian. She went home to tell her mom about this guy and her mother turned to her and said...wait for it...

"A guy like him, isn't looking for a girl like you."

Don't think I need to repeat that one... but I will..."A guy like him...isn't looking for a girl like you."

DANNNNNG! If God can come down and slap sense into someone, He did it to me as soon as those words left Andy's mouth. I was floored, not just by that sentence, but by the fact that that girl was me... I had no direction, I didn't care what God had for me, and I was so content on going it alone proving to everyone and to God that I could do things all by myself. HA! The guilt and shame that covered me screamed that I was never worthy of any of these great things God had planned. I did this to myself...I was this way now and forever and there was no changing the crazy Kritty09 who had prided herself on having the most guys, drinking the most at parties, and spending every last dime for momentary satisfaction.

But God broke through those lies, dispelled the darkness, and placed this truth on my heart - "I have something so much better for you...better than you can ever imagine." So, the next week as the newest part of the series came out, Andy challenged the guys who were listening to take a year off of dating. I automatically threw myself in that category since I thought about dating like all the guys I had known...temporary, get it while you can, and be done with it in the morning. So, I took the challenge. Like guys...I always like a good challenge and this one was the mother of all challenges.

So fast forward to today. I get to look back and be absolutely amazed at Jesus. He didn't have to...but He did. He didn't have to wait for me...but He did. He didn't have to pull me from a pit that I dug and was drowning in...but He did. He didn't have to meet me where I was...in a place of pure darkness and patiently guide me into the light...but He did! HE DID!! And the thought of it brings me to tears, because I get to look back and not be bound by the chains of the past, but free to share His story of redemption through me. Many people have asked what I have learned this past year, and all I can ask is how much time they have. Trying to sum up this monstrous undertaking that God did, can't even be touched by my insanely small vocabulary, but I will try.

1) God is able! God...Is...Able. My problem, before this year, was I tried to replace God in that sentence with Kristi. No, Kristi is not able...Kristi is human and fails! When God stepped into the picture, he brought change with him. Change that I was neither prepared for nor excited about, but it came like a ton of bricks and there was no stopping it! "When divine interruptions happen, lives are transformed"- Christine Caine. How genius is this? Christine said this when she spoke at the Passion Conferences in January and these words have rung in my ear as truth ever since. Sometimes these divine interruptions may seem like an interference - but either way you look at it my life needed a brutal smackdown, attitude adjustment, and focus shifting - who better than God to apply this :)

2) God's plan over Kristi's plan - when weighing my options its humorous to think the latter was even considered, but up to this point a year ago that is all I cared about. What did I want, what did I need, what satisfied me the most at the time. SUCH A JOKE! Kristi's plan = temporary. God's plan = eternal. God offers us an amazing life in Him so that we can be a part of something that is so much greater than ourselves. Who doesn't want that? That is what I was searching for all these years but was too stubborn to care about where to find it. Control is no longer mine, it is His and I don't have to stress about anything...and I'm...FINALLY... completely okay with that!

3) I am nothing...He is everything. I am His. I love the song "Forgiven and Loved" by Jerrod Neihman (sp?) it says: "On calvary I stand, empty pockets, open hands, oh there is no condemnation for me!"What beautiful words to represent the perfect heart of my savior. I am not condemned, I am His, I am Whole, and I am forgiven and loved! I did nothing to get me to this point, but He has done everything. Dang - Jesus is amazing! In my darkest hour, He patiently waited for me and welcomed me back...broken and bruised but to Him I was beautiful. I am His.

4) If faith can move the mountians... LET THE MOUNTAINS MOVE!! I got to wake up to the sight of the Colorado Rockies for almost a year and a half, but even to see one of them actually move wouldn't have been as spectacular as what Jesus has done in my life in this past year. I guess this entry is my thankful heart to Him. All I can give is all of me - He already gave all of Himself to rescue this drowning soul - so it begins...the rest of my life. I don't have the shield of "Oh, I'm not dating for a year" anymore... But I have His strength and His promise that He will guide me through.

This year starts with "The New Rules for Love, Sex and Dating" and just ended with a new series from Louie Giglio at Passion City called, "Boy Meets Girl." Ironic? No. Isn't God funny with how he moves us? Just a little send off into the world of dating - just in case you forgot anything - here is a few more weeks of information for you to take with you in your journey! In both of these series' I experienced Jesus' heart for me. He has the best in mind. No, I can't read the end of the book to make sure everything turns out okay, but I do know the writer of my script. If He says it's all going to work out, I will put my full faith in that hope!

So, here we go! Me and Jesus - and I'm SOOO EXCITED to see what He has in store! It is greater than I could ever know and I know whatever it is I am not alone :) Let's Do This!!