When you're a part of the work set in
motion by the creator of the universe, letting go becomes passing the baton. In
doing this, we don't have to say goodbye, we are just being entrusted with
different things. Sometimes this is because God has finished His work in us
that needed to be completed. But, especially recently, I've seen all too
clearly that my letting go opens up a gap, a place that God has chosen others
to fill for their appointed time. Selfishly the things that I love, I want to
hold tight to. But I'm realizing over and over again, that letting go opens a
gap, not only of the things were letting go of, but also in the things God
wants to give us. Gaps are good. Not easy, but good. Gaps leave space between
our capabilities and God divine purposes. We are not often asked to let go of
things that are insignificant to us. Most times we are asked to let go of
things we hold most dear so we can reset priorities, rearrange dreams, and
remember that we are not the faithful ones in the equation of God + Us. Life
has so often reminded me of the story of the boy with his dad walking along the
beach. The boy searching for the greatest seashell he can find, collects others
small ones along the way. He father, on the other hand, finds the biggest
seashell on the beach and wants to give it to his son. But in order for the son
to get the biggest seashell, he must let go of all he is holding on to. That is
my life in a nutshell ... Or seashell... Ohhhh so bad it's good ... Nope just
bad :/
But I feel like this season is so
much of letting go. So many things I love, He's telling me to leave. Little
moments and big moments alike that have defined my time in Italy and I have to
let it go. There has to be a gap. I think so often we live in a tension -
there's a gap and we need to fill it. God says there's a gap and only I can
fill it. You can strive all you like to try, but you'll wear yourself out and
never fill it all on your own. You can wait and walk with me or you can run at
your pace that you think the gap should be filled and become worn out. Living
in the gap is a gift when so often we see it as failure. God asks us to let go
of things to make room. Never have I ever let go of something to get less than
what I gave up in the first place. It's always more... Immeasurably more.
That's our God. Gaps change as the seasons pass. There's always something new
on the horizon. New is different, new is scary, new is surrender taken to a
different level. New leaves gaps. Sometimes "new" is going back to
something that no longer looks familiar. My new will be walking back to the
place I call home and not knowing what I'm walking into, where I'm supposed to
go, or how long I'll be there. And it's ok.
It's ok. It is well. I believe it with all of my heart. I
am incapable of figuring my life out successfully. My plans are so often
changed for the better, that stepping back and surrendering looks so much more
fulfilling. Not easy by any means, says the girl who would if she could plan
every moment of the next 5 years of my life. But I love that in Italy, of all
places, God showed me what surrender looks like, what being refined and coming
out victorious on the other side feels like, what walking through a scary
wilderness with nothing to offer and opening my hands to accept Him... And it
was always enough. He was always more than enough. Everything I ever lacked, He
gave me more. Everything I ever dreamed, He gave me so much more. As I am about
to leave this season and into the next, I'm confident of one thing: I'm not
walking into easy. Yes, one season is soon to be over, but God isn't calling me
back into a life of "I have it all figured out and life is exactly how I
planned." And if I'm being honest, I can say I don't want that life
anymore. Sometimes God has to call us out of comfort to show us we are capable
of more than predicable with Him. The last 20 months have been anything but
predictable. But my list of things I would have liked to happen have been so
far exceeded, my hands remain open in surrender because His ways are higher and
SOOOO MUCH BETTER! I claimed immeasurably more coming to Italy, and that is
exactly what it was. And the amazing thing is that God doesn't give us a quota
of immeasurably more. Immeasurably More isn't over now that I've almost
finished this season - God is immeasurably more. Walking with Him always gives
us immeasurably more - but it's not always in the ways we think. God keeps us
guessing, that's the fun and scary part! The gaps don't scare Him. They invite
Him in to more of our lives. In the next season I'll claim the gaps and believe
for only immeasurably more to fill it. He is so good. I'm just in awe and so
thankful.
