My Story, Written yet Unknown.
Nashville, TN - that sounded good to
me. I tried to get there - three times to be exact. For some reason it never
worked out. That would have been my perfect little story. That's exactly it, MY
story. But I've come realize I am just the person allowed to live out my story.
I don't write it.
I've never been the girl who knew
what she wanted to do since the age of 3.5. I've always gone back and forth.
Teacher. Basketball player. Lazy bum who does nothing all day. Business owner.
CEO. Most of my options just left me confused, even to this day. "What do
you want to be" sends my head into oblivion and my response would probably
be whatever first came to mind, and it would probably be a lie. Whatever
sounded good at the moment. Until this year.
This past year has been nothing short of a whirlwind. I’ve learned more than I could have ever expected. I’ve learned how to be still. I’ve learned how to run. I’ve seen God work miracles in others lives. As I have been reflecting back on the numerous events, open doors, crashing walls of this past year, I decided to find my new years resolution on facebook. Why? Because somewhere deep down I knew those words sparked something in my heart to allow myself to see God, truly see God, for the first time this year.
I found it. These words made this
whole year make sense… as much as it possibly could. January 6, 2013. My bold
proclamation to God was “Hey, I want you to do something huge. Something beyond
what I can think. I want to see miracles. I need you to show up in ways that
are immeasurably more.”
Yeah…. That happened. The year isn’t even over and it is taking my brain 100% capacity to somewhat comprehend the immeasurably more that God has prepared and is continuing to prepare for me. For ME! Come on – how many times have I prayed words just because I knew they sounded so spiritual and eloquent? May this writing come with fair warning, When challenging the God of the universe to step up and be bold in your life, a life that He Himself created, a path that He Himself is preparing… just hold on. I prayed because it sounded good. God acted because He had immeasurably more waiting. Waiting for what – I may never know fully – but I think He was waiting for the moment when I had nothing to give, nothing prepared, no plan, and no means for the journey. Coming to the end of our self means the beginning of where we allow God to be fully in control, fully Himself, and in that we may live fully alive.
Let me rewind.
September 8, 2013. I sat in the North
Carolina mountains with some of my favorite people on the planet, the girls in
my Bible Study, The Crescendo. As the trip came to an end, I thought it would
be a great idea for each of the girls to write a letter to God, to challenge
Him for the upcoming year. To tell him desires, wants, and longings. One year.
If I’m being honest, I walked around the house taking pictures, cleaning,
anything to look busy enough to get out of it. I can’t get away with anything
with these ladies, however, and eventually I sat down to write. “Be bold in
what you write” screaming in the back of my mind. Isn’t that the uber spiritual
way to pray? Pray in boldness. I didn’t know what that meant, but I prefaced my
letter by saying to God, “I want to be bold in what I put on my paper.”
And bold I was.
“September 8
God, let this mark a year of change
for me. I don't know what that looks like right now, but I know you have a path
in preparation for me to know you more. God I desire to trust you with every
ounce of my being. I desire for my heartbeat to be completely in time with
yours. God, I desire adventure. I desire love. God, I desire healing over
brokenness, broken relationships, and broken hearts. God, I want to ask you to
do something huge, something that sheds light on your greatness. I want to
travel, I want to be so dependent on you. You know better than I. God, I pray
that within a year, next September 8, 2014 I won't be in the same place I am
right now, that I will fight this fight you placed before me and not look back
for anything. God, we are doing a great work and I cannot come down.”
Have you ever boldly prayed a prayer?
I think sometimes we hide behind “being bold” because we know that God isn’t
great enough to actually come through in our dreams and hopes…or even those
things we don’t know we hope of yet. It was a pretty prayer, one that I was
certain that would claim boldness yet stay in certainty and comfort. God had
other plans.
I woke up one morning and went on Facebook…
One of my friends, Bekah, had posted pictures in Italy. I was instantly blown
away. Something in my spirit told me to message her. My initial response was,
“I haven’t talked to her in years, that is awkward, and I realllly don’t want
to be THAT person.” But, nonetheless, I listened to the prompting. I received a
message a few short minutes after from Bekah saying:
“I just got chills. God is
soo incredible the way he works. My boss/host mom was talking with me yesterday
if I had any friends interested in taking my place when I leave. I told her I
would be thinking and see who i.could.think of and now one day later u send me
this amazing message!!”
Not exactly the response I
had imagined, but I’m not writing this story. I asked God for immeasurably
more, He answered with something so beyond my wildest dreams it left me only to
believe it was exactly what I asked for, yet didn’t know I was asking for! Weeks
went by, and I began to message with Bekah and the mom of the family in Italy.
In the back of my mind, this opportunity was so far out in left field it didn’t
make any sense for it to turn into a reality. I will never forget my friend Rukiya
telling me, “Kristi, God speaks ahead of time. He is preparing you for
something bigger than what you can see and in this moment He is speaking into
your future!”
God spoke and His voice was
confusing and beautiful all at the same time. God said, “Italy.” I said, “that’s
not possible.” God said, “I am Bigger.” I said, “prove it.” God said, “watch
me!”
If I can, let me recap all
of the ways I fell short of this plan.
A few weeks after God began
speaking the reality of Italy over my life, my car was broken into – EVERYTHING
was stolen. My passport, my license, my social security card, by books, my
money, my credit cards, my purse…aka my life! Everything that I could have
offered to help God out in His little endeavors to get me to Italy, in a split
second, vanished. I physically had nothing, let alone the mental capacity
to comprehend such an immeasurably more story as He was crafting before my
eyes. It left me at ground zero…I had nothing to give. The gap between where
God wanted me and where I actually was growing larger with every passing
moment. I had a negative bank account, bills coming every which way, a car I
knew I had to sell in order to get overseas, and a job where each week posed
different hours and income. In this moment, I realized I had only one decision
to make, jump on board with this immeasurably more or strive on my own to get
to this unknown destination. I finally said, “Yes. I’m ready. Let’s do this,
God.” My plans aside, my heart on His foundation, and my soul willing to walk
into this journey.”
I may have been walking
into an unknown, but I knew the prayer my heart was praying. It was sure. It
was bold. It asked for immeasurably more.
“Spirit lead me where my
trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the water, wherever you would call
me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander. And my faith will be made
stronger in the presence of my Savior.” – by Hillsong United.
This song quickly shifted
from a beautiful song to my heart cry. It made everything within me make sense
and my heart could finally put words to its longing. I want that, and in God’s
goodness He is offering it to me in this very moment. I am in a constant state
of being overwhelmed by His grace and love.
I remember sitting down at
bible study and telling the girls what was happening stating, “If I am in Italy
in January, it will be a miracle.” I am living in a miracle. Within the last
few days, God filled the gaps. Every. Single. One.
My dad. I can not handle.
It is not every day that God allows your father’s generosity to be one way He
fills a gap. My car I was planning on selling, daddy bought it from me, paid it
off, and will now get to drive my dream car around. Not only that, he helped me
pay for my ticket to get to Italy. Two ways that God made this immeasurably
more seem a lot more real. My dad and I sat down to buy my ticket and it all
came to fruition….
The day I booked my ticket.
The day I prayed for immeasurably more in the beginning of this year. They are
the same.
January 6.
January 6, 2013 -I asked
God for immeasurably more this year.
January 6, 2014 – I am
headed to Rome, Italy.
