Faith!

Faith.

This word has been haunting me in the best way possible over the past few days. I keep wrestling with the question of, “what does it mean to have unwavering faith?” More than anything I’ve ever wanted, I want that. Not because it’s the cool thing to do, cause it’s not. Not because I want to make myself look better to my peers. But I want this unwavering faith because without it, my relationship with God will only be an ounce of water compared to the oceans and rivers that he wants to provide me. I want faith like Abraham – faith enough to bring his son to the altar and sacrifice him, knowing all the while that God is worth it and he will provide. I want faith like Esther – faith to leave everything she knew to live in the palace to not just sit around and be pampered but to change the course of history for her people and save them from death.

How hard does that seem? It doesn’t seem that difficult to put total and complete faith in the One who is standing next to you guiding every step you take to ensure His grace and mercy be poured out into your life. So, why is it so hard? I have been playing this mind game for the last few days – my mind is telling me it is not enough but in my heart I know it is an over-abundance of enough. To have enough faith – as small as a mustard seed to move mountains, faith enough to watch miracles before your eyes, faith to hope for the future and not doubt. I. Want. That. I know it is in me, so what is holding me back. I feel like I have good and bad days – some days I’m so sure of my faith that I feel like I’m on cloud 9 – soaking up all God has for me. Other days, it’s hard for me to see past the tip of my nose without doubting where I am headed. I don’t know what it is – but whatever this hindrance is – I’m gonna need it to leave. This faith I so longingly search for is within my reach, I can feel it. Although it does not happen in an instant, I know this faith is waiting, and I’m ready. Ready to not have an ounce of doubt. Ready to stand knowing I may fall but God is standing tall in my failure. I don’t want me to shine, I want Him to be known and his renown to be shown through my struggles, excitement, pain, and love. To Him be the glory… and nothing more.