Saturday, April 21, 2012

Faith!


Faith.
This word has been haunting me in the best way possible over the past few days. I keep wrestling with the question of, “what does it mean to have unwavering faith?” More than anything I’ve ever wanted, I want that. Not because it’s the cool thing to do, cause it’s not. Not because I want to make myself look better to my peers. But I want this unwavering faith because without it, my relationship with God will only be an ounce of water compared to the oceans and rivers that he wants to provide me. I want faith like Abraham – faith enough to bring his son to the altar and sacrifice him, knowing all the while that God is worth it and he will provide. I want faith like Esther – faith to leave everything she knew to live in the palace to not just sit around and be pampered but to change the course of history for her people and save them from death.

How hard does that seem? It doesn’t seem that difficult to put total and complete faith in the One who is standing next to you guiding every step you take to ensure His grace and mercy be poured out into your life. So, why is it so hard? I have been playing this mind game for the last few days – my mind is telling me it is not enough but in my heart I know it is an over-abundance of enough. To have enough faith – as small as a mustard seed to move mountains, faith enough to watch miracles before your eyes, faith to hope for the future and not doubt. I. Want. That. I know it is in me, so what is holding me back. I feel like I have good and bad days – some days I’m so sure of my faith that I feel like I’m on cloud 9 – soaking up all God has for me. Other days, it’s hard for me to see past the tip of my nose without doubting where I am headed. I don’t know what it is – but whatever this hindrance is – I’m gonna need it to leave. This faith I so longingly search for is within my reach, I can feel it. Although it does not happen in an instant, I know this faith is waiting, and I’m ready. Ready to not have an ounce of doubt. Ready to stand knowing I may fall but God is standing tall in my failure. I don’t want me to shine, I want Him to be known and his renown to be shown through my struggles, excitement, pain, and love. To Him be the glory… and nothing more. 

Monday, April 2, 2012

One Week....


One week…
Nowadays, we don’t give time enough credit. Not only that, we don’t give God enough credit in what He can do with the short time that we are given. One day to one person may seem like an eternity to another. I sat in church one short week ago on fire for what God was going to do in my life. And till today, I have been taking a spiritual beating from Satan. Not only do I feel bruised, I feel like I am not worthy. Something I know not to be true, because Jesus speaks to me and says that I am. Now, it probably doesn’t help that I have been left alone with the puppies for the last few days cause my family was in Miami for WrestleMania (random… I know!) But, there is only so much I can take. 

One week ago, Jesus was my only thought and within this short period of time Satan has attacked me spiritually and mentally on every level. I can’t let him. I realize that waiting is hard, and this period in my life just leaves blank pages of uncertainty. I may have allowed Satan to steal time away, but there was one hour that I was not giving to Him and that was the hour I started listening to the “When God” series by Andy Stanley. Thank you to Brittany who told me to listen to it, but honestly, it was perfect! You see, even people who were in the presence of Jesus, knew His teachings, saw His works first hand were tested. They too felt that in their hours of uncertainty that God was no where to be found…or late when they needed Him most. In Matthew Jesus spoke to John The Baptist saying, “Blessed is anyone who does not stumble on account of me.” Meaning… these awful waiting periods are on purpose? These times of testing and uncertainty aren’t in vain? Nope. Even John The Baptist… cousin of Jesus began to doubt as he was left to rot in a prison cell. Never doubt how God wants to use that experience in the darkest, loneliest prison cells of our life.  It really all make it worth it knowing that God is never late, and the part that we are playing in the perfectly scheduled story of God will never go unnoticed! So, Satan, I hope you had fun in the few hours that you lied and said I was a good for nothing and that God could never use me or when you made me believe God doesn’t care. You can have those hours, but for the rest of my life…SEE YA! I will not stumble for the one who loves me, the one who saved me, and the one who put me in this place for a reason. BYEEEEEE!