Consumer or Follower?

Mark 8:34-38

“If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his Father’s glory with the holy angels”

What am I living for? Who am I living for? Myself? Acceptance? Money? Things? One word that sums each of those things up is…temporary. Not one of those things are coming with me after I die and leave this world. So why live for something that can only give me temporary satisfaction…. Or un-satisfaction from the inability to obtain enough of each to truly make me happy. Now, I must admit, I don’t usually wake up, look in the mirror and think about taking up my cross for the day. Besides the fact that I try not to look in the mirror right after I wake up…these scary images stare back at me…I want nothing more than my life to be worth something, to mean something, to have purpose. How do I find this? Where will I find this purpose? Well, the answer pretty much slapped me in the face - whether I wanted to hear it or not. You see, in order for my life to be worth something, I have to give it up. In my case, the giving it up part is my job is Aspen, Colorado. I made more money than I ever have in my life. But that is exactly the point,  I was trying to hang on to something I was going to lose anyway. If I died the day after I received my paycheck... it wasn't coming to the grave with me. After listening to the "Trading Up" Series by Andy Stanley - I realized that I have been a consumer of Jesus. I listened to His words, heard His teachings, but never truly lived with the confidence that He was in complete control. That is why the moment He spoke and said I am going to Greece, I was a bit hesitant. In that hesitation, I put aside all the things that I felt were "necessary" for my life, things that internally I was living for, things that are temporary and therefore things I would ultimately leave behind. 

I no longer wanted to be a consumer, but I wanted to be a follower. To be a follower, we are called to a higher standard. I struggled with control in my life, but at that point, I had my life down. I would work numerous hours, get paid enough money to pay my mounts of student loans, tithe my usual percent, buy a few things at Target and repeat the cycle. Andy made it very clear that following Christ will cost you something. I can obey Jesus yet there may be no reward in this life. He stated that it will feel like a death, it will feel like a moral imperative for you to do this one thing that you know you are being called to do. Hello, Greece. I have never felt such a sense of urgency in my need to be there. But the moment I clicked the send button on my e-mail to my boss giving her my two weeks notice, I became a follower not just a consumer. Why? Because, this whole Greece idea was not me. The whole unknown of my future and money and security that I had hid behind for so long was gone. What did that leave me? Faith. Complete and utter falling to the ground with the faith that Jesus is the only way to lead me on this path I have accepted. I had been secure in my life. But security did not require Jesus. The unknown is Jesus' forte. When we walk into the unknown, we are acknowledging the fact that He must take over. We can no longer be secure in ourselves, but we must have confidence and faith in His guidance and path for our lives. Why not though? What do we have to lose? 


Why hold on to things that I know I am going to lose anyway? Why not lose yourself for a purpose? One of my favorite songs right now is called "Walk on the Water" by Brit Nicole. The chorus says this:

"What are you waiting for? 
What do you have to lose?
Your insecurity's try to hold to you.
You know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes 
And you can walk on the water too!"

If we are going to die anyway, why not die FOR something. No, I don't know what is on the other side of not working at The Little Nell. I don't know how things are going to work out exactly. But it is more than enough to know that I do not have to walk down this path blind, because Jesus has taken my hand and we can walk through this together. Yeah, it may be hard. But being a follower of Jesus is better than any paycheck's temporary satisfaction because I know there is hope that in the end of my road I will not be standing at the pearly gates with millions of dollars, but Jesus saying "Well done, good and faithful one."

Awakening :)

    It is amazing what happens when you don’t just read the Bible to check it off your list of things to do. It has taken me a good 25 years to realize that the Bible is so much more than words on a page, but it is the living, breathing word of God through with he speaks truth into our lives. I never saw the point before; I never sat down with the intention of hearing from God. All the while, He was waiting for me to be patient and listen. Patience isn’t exactly my forte. My family jokes that patience, or lack thereof, is a Honaker thing. We know it is somewhere, just have to unlock nuts and bolts of the dark depths of our lives to find it. However, in our weakness, He is stronger. And through our weaknesses, He gives us challenges to overcome. The great part about God is that, no matter how hard we try on our own, we will never succeed in fully overcoming our problems. But as soon as Jesus takes over, something changes. A change happens that is so unexpected, so out of the ordinary, that you have to fully surrender because you know it was not by your works that you have the ability to overcome, but by His grace and love. Passion City Church was doing a series on “Word” – reading through the gospel of John. I just listened to the part of the series where Jesus meets the Samaritan woman at the well. I have heard this story many times, and something always rings true in my life as with the Samaritan woman. I know what it feels like to be broken, to search for love in every unfulfilling place. But leave it to the Holy Spirit speaking through Louie to bring this message straight to my heart with a new meaning from God. Toward the end of the story, the woman, after talking with Jesus and realizing that He is the living water, goes into her town and tells everyone to “Come, see the man who told me everything I ever did.” (John 4:29) The next part of this, I have never even though about, something that I would skip over onto the next meaningful verse. John writes, “Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony.” Many. Not all. Many. Louie pointed out, “You may not get the whole office, or the whole school but don’t be discouraged because Jesus himself didn’t even get the whole town.” How amazing. I can be so discouraged sometimes to think that the people I am telling about Jesus do not truly understand his love and hope for their lives. But, we may never see the growth of the seed we have planted in their lives, but that shouldn’t stop us from proclaiming the gospel in truth and love for all, because Jesus himself only got “many” not “all” at that point. It is our job to plant the seed; it is Jesus who will bring that seed to life, as He is the living water. He is water that will never run out, and water that will always satisfy.

I had the opportunity to tell my co-workers the other day about my plans and that I will be leaving The Little Nell. Today is my official last day. It is so crazy to think about how Jesus has completely transformed my life into something I never imagined. How patience on my part, has led me to a place of peace and joy in Jesus. I can’t imagine going back to my life even a few short weeks ago. I now can see every opportunity as a time to further God’s kingdom. As I was speaking to my co-workers, I could see something change in their hearts. I got to speak with a few of them about life and about things they have always wanted to do, things that are greater than themselves. You never really know the opportunities God has for you until you take His hand a walk along side of Him. I don’t know what Jesus is doing in their hearts, but I am honored that I am able to plant a seed of hope in each of them to live life passionately.

“Our mission is simple, to say I want Jesus to come and give me what nothing on this earth can give me. It is all going to fall by the wayside in time. When that happens, He starts coming under the layers, it’s in that moment that true worship will happen. That is the worship that God is looking for. In that worship, we get healed and He gets lifted.” – Louie Giglio

In the last two minutes of speaking of John chapter 4, Louie spoke those words above. All I could think about were the moments I have truly felt worship. I felt love. I felt Jesus. That is what I want my life to be. Worship so great that I am healed of all my earthly faults, and Jesus is exalted and lifted high. It is all because of Him that I am healed, whole, and can live a life with purpose. “He must become greater, I must become less.” (John 3:30) I have never been so happy to be considered less, because only through His strength am I even able to stand. 

Standards....

Standards...


A word that at it's mere thought, most of us will cringe. I heard the perfect explanation to this at church one day, "Where there are standards or expectations, there is guilt." How true is that? A way of living that we can not live up to, a life we strive for yet fail too often. I have been thinking about this word a lot lately. As Jesus has completely changed my way of thinking, I have realized that I, now, have to live with these standards. But the good news in this, is that the hard part was already accomplished through the grace and mercy of Jesus, His death on the cross. Now all I have to do, is to live in a way to reflect that goodness and mercy in every aspect of my life. 


In Ephesians 4:20-24 this is reiterated, " You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. Surely you heard of him and were taught in Him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. you were taught with regard to your former life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desired, to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."


Well, we think... of course we have to do that... Easier said then done! I have always had difficulty drawing a line as to my "old" life and my "new" life. I know I am supposed to live with Jesus' light shining through me, but I found myself asking the question... How far can I get to the end without actually sinning, without actually doing something bad? After time, my boundaries were pushed so far, it was more than blurry the lines I so desired not to cross. It was until I truly experienced Jesus' love for me that I never realized what it meant to completely surrender to Him. I no longer want to live for the things of this world... the things that I have clung to for so long, yet left me so empty and wanting more and more. These things I defined myself with just left me of the other side with no self worth, no care for my life, and no meaning and purpose. And believe me, Jesus didn't sit on the sidelines and wait for me to realize this, and He won't for you either. In the most unlikely of circumstances, He will make His love and grace known to where you can not doubt it was anything but His Holy presence. 


Living of this world is extremely temporary. Living for something greater than yourself... with eternal significance... is what Jesus had in mind when this world was created. Something that He has really been teaching me (through listening to sermons from Northpoint Church called : Guardrails) is that in order to live this life in the way that I was created, I need to establish guardrails or boundaries. Things that I will not do, places I will not go so that in turn I will not be tempted to fall back into the things of this world. This. Is. SO. HARD!! Especially coming back to Aspen, seeing all the people I work with going out, having fun, living it up... and for a split second I thought I wanted it. But to be honest, I have filled myself with the love of Jesus so there is no need for me to find satisfaction in these temporary fixes of life. I wish so badly that each of them could see how much the things of this world will push you to the brink of danger then if anything were to happen, "It's all your fault." Life is not meant to be lived just to pass the time - it is an adventure, created my God for us to enjoy and learn in His truth. But not until we establish these standards will we realize our true joy in Jesus. The world will try to tempt you with all these unfulfilling things. But do you realize, Jesus doesn't have to tempt us. He knows He is the only way, the only true love, grace, mercy that we can experience in our temporary life on earth. Therefore He is just waiting for you to say, "Ok, Jesus, Let's do this!"

I'm Not Ashamed!

"I am doing a great work, and I cannot come down." Nehemiah 6:3 


This quote may seem simple,   but it has quickly come to define how I live my life. 





Let's start from the beginning. 
Hi. My name is Kristi Honaker. I am from the wonderful state of Georgia, and I graduated from THE University of Georgia last December. I quickly moved out to Aspen, Colorado to work after graduation, but definitely did not expect how God would completely transform my life in this amazingly beautiful, yet lost spiritually mountain town. Let me take you back...a whole 17 days to be exact: 


Midnight: January 1, 2012. A year that began at ... take a guess... Work! I rang in the new year serving at a banquet. Which for the last few months, my life has been overtaken by work. Banquet after banquet, my life of 20 hour work days and less sleep than anyone can imagine became routine. For those of you who don't know... God doesn't exactly "do" routine. Not in my life, at least. Routine to many means comfort. Though I wasn't exactly comfortable in my long hours, minor caffeine addiction, and sleep depravedness, I was getting used to it. Not in a positive way, but in a way that I just merely lived to get through each day. I didn't realize the potential for my life, but God did, and He was just waiting for me to be open to the amazing plans He has for me.
Twiddling my thumbs, working the coat check, I watched as people engaged in conversation and drank to their hearts desires. All the while, I was just waiting eagerly for the clock to strike midnight. You see, at midnight, I was going home. I heard it from everyone, "You are so crazy to leave to go home on New Years." They knew I had to drive from Aspen to Denver and catch a 6:00am flight. It usually takes about 4 hours to get to the airport, and though I have made that trip many times, it didn't always work out the way I had planned. (That is a story for another day!) But this time was different. This drive was a drive I was looking forward to for months. Though I love going home to see my family, and am so blessed to be able to do, I knew there was something big that was going to happen on this trip back home. 
I made it safe onto my flight, and back home. When I was on the plane only one thought crossed my mind before I passed out sleeping in my seat: I am one plane ride away from change. I didn't know what I was getting into, but I was ready for whatever it was! As ready as I could be...
January 2, 2012, I drove down to Atlanta with my sister, Korie, a few of her friends, and my friend Emily. This 30 minute drive has been normal in my family for years. But God was already at work in my heart before the car crossed the City of Atlanta border. This wasn't just any trip to Atlanta, we were on our way to Passion 2012. 
As I sit here, waiting for the next thought to cross my mind, waiting for where to start when I talk about Passion. I literally just had 1000 images and memories cross my mind - in the most mind boggling, God sized way. I wrote in m journal the day after I got back from Passion and on my way back to Aspen: I want to share that with you. Maybe that will give you some insight to the 4 days that God drastically changed my life forever. 

January 6, 2012 – Day 246

I realized something, to live life just to pass the time isn’t life at all. God did not intend us to merely live but to fearlessly live. The past 4 days I spent with 45,000 members of my family in Christ at the Passion Conferences. During the last session it dawned on me, we, I spend too much time asking what God wants me to do and not enough time doing anything. Every morning I can pray that God would show me what to do with my life, but why not use what He has given me, and my many undeserving blessings, to serve His Kingdom. No matter how much we may hate it, we become all too comfortable in our daily routine. We may say we want to get out and do something for God…but “never get around to it.” Doing something for God doesn’t mean going to far off lands to spread His word (though it may for some). But that means living each day with the realization that we are blessed enough to have a life and for that we will live unashamed of the One who gave His life so we may be free of our bondage from sin and death. He didn’t have to you know. He could have skipped the part of being beaten and nailed to a cross. The power was in Him the whole time for God to take Him back up to Heaven and let the pain cease. But. He. Didn’t. He undeservingly died so that you and I the ones who sin more than we can count on all the hands of this world may LIVE. Why? Because He Loves Us. 

You may think you love people but we will never be able to comprehend the love that Jesus has/had for us when He hung on the cross to forgive all of our sins. So why, then, would we sit back and let life run its normal everyday routine course? If Jesus would have lived a “normal not doing anything out of the ordinary” life, there would be no cross. There would be no forgiveness. And there would be no life. But there is! There is life from a God who created us to live with Him in Heaven, to save of our burden of sin. So I ask you again, why do we let our life control us and get so caught up in the burdens of this world. Some may say they are scared of what people will think, others are consumed by the fact that they are not good speakers. But what is really boils down to is that we are not confident in the Lord and in His precious words that were spoken to us. If we were truly confident in all that He is, we would run around this earth with the message of Jesus forever engrained in our minds and wanting to share with every person we come into contact with. I realized something else this week, that I have been ashamed of the gospel. I tried to talk myself out of it and tried to say that “oh, I’m not ashamed, I just don’t want to push the gospel on anyone.” Or, “I’m not a very good public speaker.” And excuse after excuse I realized that not only was I not confident in Jesus I was quite frankly ashamed. Let’s say for instance, you found the cure for cancer but because you were “too afraid of what people might say” or “aren’t a very good public speaker” you decided not to tell anyone and keep it all in. Umm…no you wouldn’t! You would tell the whole world. You have the information that can save and changes lives so why would you want to keep it in? The same goes with Jesus. You have the information that can Save and Change lives – why do we hold it in? 

How selfish am I to think that I don’t need to tell anyone because my relationship with God is good. I believe. He loves me, and I’m good to go. No! I don’t want to hold it in out of fear. I am so sure that He has saved me from my wretchedness and in my darkest days he lifted me from my own personal pit of hell. A pit that for a while I was completely content, but like any pit it was completely empty. However, just because I found comfort in this filthy hole, Jesus was not stopped by the walls I had put up around my heart. I don’t know if you know this, but Jesus created walls therefore he can also break them down. He creates joy out of our hurt and hope from our darkest pit. I was so in over my head I couldn’t see the light at the top of the pit anymore. And the more I tried to satisfy my soul on my own terms was the more I just dug deeper and deeper down. But little by little Jesus started digging His was from the top of my pit that had so consumed me, and light began to shine. When that light first hit my face it wasn’t one of glorious revelation. It was more like when my mother used to wake me up for school in the morning and turn the light on, throw the covers off, and tell me to get out of bed or I was going to be late. Not my favorite way to start the day by any means. All I wanted to do was to hide under my covers until my eyes got adjusted to the light. Sometimes I would lay in bed, other times I would run over and turn the light off, and fall right back to bed. 

True life, I lived in a pit. I had the same reaction to my mother as I did with Jesus. Some times I would find another spot to hide in. Other times I would try to block my eyes with covers. But all the while Jesus was still digging, still waiting, and still providing a hope that my life didn’t have to be lived from pit to pit. The part that just boggles my mind is…umm.. why? Why would he love me so much as to fight for me and DIE for me? It is a love I will never understand. But because of that love I will live a life to share this news to all I come in contact. You never know who you may be passing on the street, what kind of pit they are in or what kind of encouragement you can be to them. It only takes one light to spread among the nations. Your ‘nation’ could be your work, for others it is school, for some it is remote parts of the world. Whichever nation God has called you to be a witness, DO IT! You are not on this earth in vain. No matter what society may tell you, Jesus died so that we all may live in love with Him. And no matter what size your clothes are, no matter how much you have messed up in the past, Jesus died for you. Jesus loves YOU. Jesus wants you to be the light that He intended you to shine when he was dying on that cross and raised from the dead to defeat death for YOU! On the last day of the Passion conference Louie Giglio he said something that forever changed my view on perfection in my life. I had felt so unworthy of a mission as great as God had for me. I believed that all the things that I have done in this life were too much for God to ever use me. But Louie said, “God launches the arrows of healing from the people who know what it feels like to be healed!” If that doesn’t dispel any lie from Satan I don’t know what will. Jesus can’t use us to heal others from their sin if we haven’t been healed of our own sin. His healing is unlimited and for those of us who experienced it, we are the ones who will shine light on that healing for people around the world. It is through our passion toward Jesus and our acceptance of being healed through Jesus that we are able to make disciples of all nations and show Jesus’ love and compassion to all. 

January 12, 2012 Day 252

I lay me down I'm not my own, I belong to you alone, lay me down, lay me down!

Life. What a simple yet do utterly complicated word. In a matter of seconds, this simple word can be turned upside down. Illness, natural disasters, or better yet... God. I am currently on a plane ride back to Aspen, Colorado. Anxiously awaiting my arrival and soon to be departure from this beautiful place. I knew what I was getting into (kind of) when I signed up for Passion 2012, by my heart never expected to the extent that God showed up! And did he ever... I have my hopes and dreams, as everyone does but for the first time those are drastically changed to serve Jesus who saved me from my deep dark pit. I felt, for the first time what it feels like to really know and experience Jesus and His love. It's crazy! It is something I want ever single person I know, and don't know for that matter, to be a part of! My goals and dreams are no longer in the front of my mind... Im pretty sure Heaven is Nashville, Tennessee so I'll be spending plenty of time there :) like the song above says, I am not my own. Why would I live for something so temporary when God has something so much bigger for me, and more eternal. My sister always asks, "What is the eternal significance to ___ ?" Though Nashville is amazing and there are many who are called to serve there, for right now... I am not. On the other hand, God has called me to Greece to help stop human trafficking and slavery. A bit different then the good-ole-south, and but something that I am so certain that God has called me to! I remember watching the videos of slavery and trafficking at Passion and God, clear as day, said "you are going to Greece!" umm what was my response you may ask... Uhhh ooo...kk... No questions asked, hands in the air surrendered I said "Let's do it, Jesus!" if he has called me I have true faith that it will work out, though there are many mountains I will face, He will provide. Having had time to process that information, I quickly went home and started filling out applications for A-21, and with Gods help wrote a two-weeks notice letter to my boss at work. When God calls, there are changes that must be made... And I knew leaving Aspen to come to Passion there would be change, but not this drastic... But God calls us to live a life greater than ourselves or the enormous paychecks that we may make. And yet again, my faith in Him knows that he will open doors to provide. Just a simple act of surrendering that simple word of life we spoke of earlier. To surrender my whole life is to give up everything I told myself I deserve. You work hard, you deserve a big paycheck. You do good things, you'll have great rewards. None of these things I had for myself would go with me after I died... Only to the grave to rot. I don't know about you but I have lived my life wanting to do something more, so why would I live for things that will die when I die? I have been in search of this life, where my life proves difference and gains significance for more than myself - and I have found it. It is not in myself at all. Is it the exact opposite. It is giving my whole self to the one who has already given it all for me, for the world, for you! I don't need to search any longer, my path is clear now I just have to step out and go! To Do Something NOW! Tomorrow has come and it is time for me to die to myself and live for the Only One who deserves my everything!

As it may be evident, in four powerful days, God changed me. God called me to live for something outside of myself. Something so much bigger than anything I can imagine. He called me to live a life that is "UNASHAMED of the one who saved me soul!" How amazing is it that, He chose me... and YOU! So - you may be asking what the quote in the beginning means and why it is applicable to my life. Well, Andy Stanley (my pastor at Northpoint Community Church) talked about that ONE THING that we promise ourselves we are going to do every time those "New years resolutions" come around. One thing that you know God has called you to do, but you" haven't gotten around to it" or you failed once so don't want to look stupid trying again. And DO IT! When adversity looks you in the face, look right back and say "I am doing a great work, and I CANNOT come down!" 

My one thing: Greece

My one thing part 2: being healthy

God sized challenges, aren't here for us to accomplish and look great at the end and praise ourselves. God sized challenges are challenges that you enter into knowing that the only way you will see the other side, is not by your works, but the grace and mercy of the God who loves us. The end. God was waiting for me to take His hand...now that I have... I can't wait to see what he has in store! Here we gooooo!

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us!" Ephesians 3:20