The Truth About Italy. The UnSugarCoated Details.

What Italy is really like:

For those of you who know me – I’m sure I’ve given my fair share of input about my current adventure in Italy. Through the good, the bad, and the ugly I’m more, now than ever, aware of God’s constant presence in and around me.. No – I’m not perfect at remembering, and I would be lying if I said in the raging tantrums of my 4 year old little rascal I can constantly be in tune to how God would have me to love him instead of wanting to scream and run away. I am still learning. Not a day goes by that God doesn’t have something in store. Many have asked how Italy is going, and with over half of this year under my belt – its about to get real up in herrrr! Sugar coat? I will not. Here is the truth about what my life is like in Italy and here it is the constant goodness of my God who holds me fast in this season.

Italy is beautiful. Sometimes, I have a hard time believing this place is real. God took extra care to make this country absolutely stunning in every way! I am fully aware that I am living people’s dreams right now. Sometimes, this is overwhelming. I am a people pleaser and therefore I don’t want others to feel bad about not being here. I know it sounds crazy – but I’m just telling the truth. It’s hard to balance the dreams of others and my reality that is beyond dreams I could ever have had for myself. So, God speaks into this saying “ I dreamt dreams for you before you had dreams to dream. Be present on this adventure that I am taking you on! Trust me to fulfill my dreams for everyone else in My timing.” I go back and forth between feeling bad for those who dreamed of this life and trying not to sound too excited about where I am in fear that I will be hated for the life I am living and what people can see from the outside.

I want to encourage those in seasons of beauty: SOAK IT IN, Live it up, and learn how to see God’s face in it all! For those waiting on beauty, feeling overlooked, and wondering where adventure is, I challenge you to: SOAK IT IN!! See the things around you that you have already been given. God is waiting to be found in every area of our lives but sometimes our stubbornness hinders us from realizing His goodness through it ALL! Not one day in the span of your life is wasted, worthless, or overlooked by God. Not one moment…ever! So anything telling you otherwise is a lie. You can go ahead and dispel that – ready go!

Italy is slowing grabbing of pieces of my heart and allowing me to feel and experience emotions that I never knew I had the capability to feel. Some good, some terrifying. In these moments, God continues to speak into my dreams. I had a conversation with two amazing friends when they came to visit Sorrento. They asked me what my dream job would be after this year is over. I couldn’t answer. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I honestly have never allowed myself to believe that I was worthy of dreaming dreams and asking God for them. I didn’t feel worthy to live life into immeasurably more but God is showing me that His dreams far outweigh my fear of dreaming for myself. So, I sat down to write out my dreams… not out of fear but out of expectation and it makes my heart race with excitement. I feel like a little child sitting at the feet of Jesus asking what is coming next and waiting in trust that what I have written will be fulfilled. I’ve come far enough to know that how I think God will do this, is probably opposite of how He actually will, so I will wait in His presence and trust Him to go before and prepare what He has.

A day in the life in Italy. On any given day, I will meet at least one new person. Italians are generous, loving, and if you are part of the family you will feel nothing less than protected and provided for. It is incredible. I was walking on the street one day to a hike in a place called Baia Di Jeranto. I stopped to ask a girl for directions and she told me to go to the bus stop down the street. Well, I am impatient and don’t like to wait so I kept walking past the bus stop….and kept walking. I found out there was a bus strike that day and I would have to walk 3 more miles to get me to my destination and hike another 3.5 miles to the bay where I was headed in the first place. Next thing I know, the same girl pulls up on the side of me with her motorino and tells me to get on! She drove me the next few miles because she didn’t want me to have to walk that far before I was going to hike! WHAT?! Generosity. She was looking out for a stranger, not because she had to or felt pressured, but that is how Italians are!

You wont ever leave hungry…EVER. If you don’t gain weight, they will think you are sick and just try to feed you more food. The movies don’t lie people! This is real life! On any given day, you will eat enough pasta, pizza, and cheese to feed a small country. I am constantly amazed by the intake of food and the small body sizes of the Italian people…it doesn’t make sense to me, and I’m sure it never will.

I Au-Pair for 3 children, 12, 10, and 4. With two girls entering their teenage years and a boy who is …. Ummm… difficult, I fight to stay sane on a daily basis. There are so many beautiful moments, and so many really, really difficult ones. But, as I mentioned before, God is teaching me to see His face in ALL of it, not just the good. I’m learning how to love when I don’t want to, I’m learning how to communicate through walls of struggle and hurt, and I’m learning how to navigate situations I never thought I would ever be in. This is a fight in the good and bad, and my grip on God is tighter than ever. I’ve seen beauty in conversations about God. I’m getting a taste of my own medicine with the oldest…as she acts JUST like I did when I was younger (which was obviously perfect….oh wait…). I see the middle struggle to be seen, so I can show her that she is loved and seen not only by me but also by her Savior. I see a youngest who yearns for discipline, but balancing love and boundaries is harder than it may sound for a child who isn’t used to that. All of this is in the place where God is telling me that the REAL Kristi is to be found as well. Needless to say, it is a lot. I am in a constant state of surrender…. Knowing I can’t carry all of this well without Him.

I’m proud of my Italian roots. I’ve learned so much about the culture here, and so much of my life makes sense because of it. My mom’s hospitality, my dad’s adventurous spirit… and stubbornness, my grandma’s feistiness, my granny’s devotion….everything. I get to little by little piece together my history while in the place so much of my family lived, worked, and loved. There is so much more that I am expecting for in the second half of my year here…and all of it, I’m not sure how to put into words. I know one thing, I’m trusting without borders, I’m loving without boundaries, and I’m learning without trying to tell God that I know better. He’s smart to put me in a place of unknown so I can only depend on His strength and trust that His timing is perfect, His heart is good, and His dreams for me are immeasurably more! I'm being romanced by Jesus in the beauty of His creation. He is putting me back together, little by little, He is uncovering the Kristi that I have stuffed down because of fear. He is breathing life into places I never knew were dead. He is showing me His face in places beyond my wildest dreams. Italy. Jesus. Kristi. Life. That is what it is really like. 

I Lift My Eyes!

“I lift my eyes unto the hills. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth.” (Psalms 121:1-3)

I’ve had these words stuck in my head for the last few hours and all I can do it to keep repeating them over and over. It made me wonder what David was thinking when he wrote these words. If I look to the mountains, my cry isn’t immediately going to be answered. If I set a goal and would like to attain it and I look to the hills, my goal isn’t going to be reached in that instant. I don't recall a time I asked advice from someone and their response was, "look to the hills!" So what help will it do when I am in need of saving that is outside of my capabilities? Look to the hills, David says. Why? 

The other day I swam at the base of a mountain, in a bay hidden far away from civilization. Not even realizing it, God was answering this future question for me. I didn’t stand at the base of the mountain, look up, and list off the things that I want to unfold in my life. I swam at the base of the mountain in compete awe and wonder. There were no words that I could possibly speak that would have graced the surface of the joy I knew that instant. I begged God to help me remember the view, the peace, and the love He was showing me.

So, why then, do we look to the hills? Because, when we look to the hills we aren't looking into the face of a solution to our difficulties, we are looking into the face of the Creator. 

We see God in His greatness, in the intricate details of His creation and it gives us a perspective of the beautiful God that says He loves US and that He has GOOD in store FOR us. 

I couldn’t look up to the hills and remember the things that so frequently consume my mind: wants, needs, desires, dreams. I sat in awe. Speechless. I felt as though I was starring into the face of God, and everything else faded away. David knew that in order for him to face what God was setting in front of him, He had to be able to stop and see the face of the One who was going to help him through it. We look up to the hills to see the greatness of our God. We look to the hills because we are given greater perspective to see that our help comes from the One who created the massive structure in front of us, and in one word from His mouth, it can and will move.

If you are facing trials, I urge you to find a mountain, sit at its base and look up. 

As big as that mountain looks to you, that is infinitely times how much bigger God is to the problems you are facing. 

Look up and know His word is true, and His promises to you WILL be fulfilled. Look up and know that if He wants the mountain to move, it will, if He wants the mountain to stay, it will, and if He wants the mountain to crumble to the ground, it WILL because He says so. And as His children, we get to live in that strength, that joy, and that love. That is the God you serve, and THAT is the God who sees beyond the mountain. When you are sitting at the base, you can't see the other side. God offers us peace because He ALONE knows what is coming. You can't be in the valley of the mountain and at it's peak…He already is. Rest in looking up. 

Remember He is in it WITH you and beyond it FOR you!