July 9, 2013
I just spent the last few days in Rockledge, Florida. The place I grew up. The place I still sometimes think of as
home. To me, this place is perfect. An hour away from Disney World, 10 minutes
away from Cocoa Beach, and one step away from peace and rest. I don’t think I
knew what it meant to “be still” until I came here. As many times in my life,
i
t began with a mental breakdown of sorts. It was one of those days where I
would cry even if I received a complement, where nothing was going right, and I
was crying because I didn’t know why I was crying. As my family was leaving I
found a tree outside and just sat…and cried…but mostly just sat. Stillness
surrounded me and I didn’t want to move even if I could. I have no idea how
long I sat, but it was long enough to watch the birds fly overhead, the ducks
swim in the pond, and the clouds to form countless shapes. No cellphone. No
technology. I was still. I was at peace. And there was nowhere else I wanted to
be in that moment.
The next moment I hear something
cracking above me. A small branch from the tree had fallen right into my lap. I
just sat there and thanked God for the little branch. I heard God say, “It’s
your staff. Throw it down.” All I could think of was Moses. God told him to
throw down the staff and it became a snake, a miracle he would have never
experienced if he hadn’t trusted God enough to let it go. I knew in an instant
that is what God wanted of me. I was gripping so tightly to countless things in
my life, that it was not only weighing me down, it was also robbing me of the
opportunity to witness a miracle in my life. The burden became overwhelming and
my tears, then, made sense. I had tuned into so many voices telling me what to
do, that it was muting the one Voice that I needed to hear the whole time. The
Voice that isn’t just guessing what path I should be on but actually knows my
next step. He knows because He has already purposed and planned it out. Yet,
His voice was a mere whisper. For some, rest is found in sleep. For me, I
realized the greatest rest I can experience is when I have turned up the voice
of God and can sit peacefully in the wind of grace.
Today, I sat under my tree again.
I looked to the left and found a rock. I picked it up and looked intently at
it. Not knowing what it was doing next to the tree, I just sat. In that moment
a conversation with my Aunt Rose popped into my mind. She was reminding me not
to live in my past, encouraging me in my job search, and just teaching me about
life. All I could think of was the stone that blocked Jesus’ grave after He was
buried. I could hear the whisper of God saying “roll the stone away, the things
that you still hold on to are not there anymore. The sin that you still feel
any amount of guilt, or the life you identified yourself with in the past has died. It not
only has died, but it is not in the grave. Go, look. Roll the stone away. You
can live your life in freedom of the past. It shouldn’t weigh you down because
it doesn’t even exist. So, stop making up a lie that is no longer in the grave.
You’ve put it to death, and I’ve already sent it away.” You may feel uncomfortable
without it, but it is because you don’t know what it is truly like to live in
freedom.
It is vulnerable, it is scary.
But that is where you will find Me.
Truly find me. Just hold my hand and take a step.
When your eyes are on me, the things behind you are not in focus. If you are focused on your past, your
failures, or your misfortunes, you will live a life that reflects
disappointments. If you live your life focused on the hope you have found in Me, you will find peace.
