Day 460
I’ll start Monday…
How many times have I said this in
my lifetime… approximately every single Friday night…or Tuesday morning…or when
I want sweets… so every day that is not Monday! Why do I do this? To me, it
seems like I am just buying myself time to be bad in anticipation of starting
to be good the following days. Even last week, I found myself saying this and
realized there is something a lot deeper that Satan is trying to do in my head
when I put off these necessary changes in the right direction. To me, its an
excuse. To Satan, it is a nasty lie that is going deeper and deeper into my
head saying that, “You’ve gone too far now, you can turn around. You’re not
good enough to make these changes so you might as well just stick to your old
ways and get over yourself.”
I recently started reading a book
called, “Made To Crave,” and in that have soooo realized that my “craving” for
food or attention or anything for that matter, is due to the reality that I am
made to crave. God made us to want so badly it hurts, but the problem comes
when our cravings are directed toward the wrong things… pretty much anything
but Him. I know that may seem trivial for some, but for me that was such an
eye-opener. All these battles I’ve
faced for years and years have been a misplaced need for Jesus. Say What?!? Now
the hard part, is knowing that and changing everything that I’ve ever told
myself was acceptable. “I’m not feeling good, I’ll eat some chocolate. I’ve had
a bad day, I’ll get some Starbucks. It’s dark outside so I deserve sweets. I
woke up today…therefore I deserve _____” … fill in the blank. My head is a
downward spiral of excuses and I wonder how I got to where I am. Good one,
Satan. It is the little excuses we make that turn into a life of less than the
greatness that God intended for us. What. A. Revelation. I wrote a quote from
the book down, and have been trying to embed this truth into my brain. The
author said, “The more we operate in the truth of who we are and the reality
that we were made for more, the closer to God we’ll become!”
BAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! We are made for
more. I am made for more than this reoccurring defeat of not being able to
successfully keep weight off or insecurities within myself. This truth is that
we can’t do it, we will not be successful on our own. But, our hope in
successfully defeating these emotional beat-downs that Satan is so quick to
issue is the fact that there is an empty tomb, a risen savior, and unending
grace for when we fail. It took me till about 2 weeks ago to realize that the
power that raised Jesus from the dead is in me…. What is stopping me? The power
that brought sight to the blind, the power that walked on water, the power that
defeated death… DEFEATED DEATH. THAT power is in me… !!!!!! So with that
knowledge and that power, there will be change. Let me tell you, since realizing
this Satan has been on beat-down-Kristi overload. I mean I walked outside and
it freaking smelt like French fries only to turn around and see a giant sundae
on a billboard… COME ON!! Haha In that moment I finally understood something
that Louie Giglio said at church last week, “The enemy lie you into the hole
but don’t let him doubly lie to you and tell you that you have to continue to
walk in it!” I CAN CONQUER THIS!
Not because of power of my ability, but Power from my perfect Savior who is
waiting for His power to be made perfect in my weakness. I will gladly boast in
Him, cause I know there is no other way I can be victorious amongst the screams
to fall back into the pit. So, Satan, get out of my head…I have work to do! Let’s
do this, Jesus!
