Eternal Perspective!

Eternal perspective

How many times have we asked God to show us “His will.” I know that prayer somehow made its way into every conversation God and I ever had…. “God, show me your will for my life.” Then I would look around in search of the “will” that I expected Him to show me. I’ve learned something important…when you ask God for something, be open to Him revealing something completely different as your answer.  Over the past few days, I’ve had a lot of time to think and pray about this. How did my prayer start… “God, reveal your will for my life”… haha oh, and did he ever. At that exact moment, it was like I heard a whisper say, “are you sure you want to know?” My reaction being, “of course I do!” In waiting for the epiphany of a lifetime, I found this while reading my Bible:

“With all wisdom and understanding, he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ.” Ephesians 1:8b-10

Ok. God. That is nice. But you didn’t show me what my future jobs is going to be. You didn’t reveal my first encounter with my future husband. Where is the part where I am the multi-tasker of the year that finally has everything together…oh, right…not there. God, why can’t I see what is going to happen next? That whisper came back to say two words… “Eternal perspective.” At that moment, it all made sense. God’s “will” for each of our lives had already been revealed. It wasn’t hidden away in the depths of the earth or lying in the “deeper meaning” of something recorded in the Bible. Paul straight up reveals God’s will for us, but somehow we over look it in hopes that we may find what comes next in this temporary world we call home.

“To bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ.” This is where we are headed.  This is our ultimate destination. The path that God has chosen for each of us to walk may vary, but His will for each of our lives is the SAME… For every tribe and tongue to be in unity with one another in both the heavenly and earthly realms under our Lord, Jesus Christ. That. Is. All. I think about how many times I have read this and spent hours on my knees in hope that God would reveal something deeper. Oh, how it is in my earthly being to try to complicate something that is already so beautiful. His will for us is to be joined with Him for eternity, to walk the streets of heaven complete and whole, to dance and sing holding the scarred hands of the Savior, and to praise the Holy name of the Living God. That is God’s will.

I’m not disregarding the wants and needs of today, but in light of the things we think we may need, our focus should stay on the provider of all things. When thinking about what is to come and the Heaven that awaits us, my petty wants seem that much more petty. After this realization, my prayer is that I will see through the lenses of God with the eternal perspective. How can I channel my desires into a reflection of God’s will for our lives? This is difficult, especially since we live in a world where the only thing that matters is the “here and now.” The transition between “here and now” and eternity begins with the realization that our lives are a part of something bigger than the world we can see. God’s will for my life has been realized, now the challenge I face is the daily battle of dying to the temporary and patiently and intentionally living for eternity. 

"And If Our God Is For Us"

As a self-proclaimed work in progress, it’s nice to know that there is grace in the collision of my failures and God’s unmatched strength. Over the last few days, my mind has wandered back to numerous events in my life where I failed miserably at following the voice of my Savior…. If I’m being honest, that’s all too often. I have been haunted by the “what if’s” and “why’s”. If God loves me, why did ______ happen? Blah blah blah. Then I remember, He isn’t finished with me. All I am doing is fighting a fight that He has already conquered. My laundry list of “how to be the person I want to be” may be to the moon and back, but maybe I’m allowed to battle through this time to greater appreciate the victory.

Every morning I wake, I am given two options: live in the fear of yesterday’s demons or live in the faith of God’s promise for my here and now. Why would I live in fear if the war that is raging against me has already been won? Is it because I can’t yet see the victory? Isn’t the image of Jesus’ arms open wide, blood spilling for my sins, dying on a cross enough? I want a faith so strong it doesn’t need a miracle or something tangible to believe that God has already overcome my struggles – with Jesus’ death and resurrection, they are finished! They are over. My battles crumble with the name of Jesus – so why don’t I let them? It’s like Jesus speaks freedom over me, yet I rush back to collect the pieces of the mountain that already crumbled.

“Let. It. Go.” I can see Him yelling this at the top of His lungs. Do I not hear? Or do I choose not to listen? I don’t know if it’s me being stubborn as much as it is the fact that I’ve always carried something that weighed me down. Whoa, revelation. It’s true though, my heart is screaming for me to give it all to Jesus, but my hands are still holding the pieces of the already broken chains. They are off of me, so why do I still hold them?  

I sat through a gathering this past Sunday and listened to my life of worry and anxiety overflow in the words of Louie. Worry, anxiety, stress, depression are just a few of the chains that I have battled to let go throughout my whole life. I feel like they just wait for a crack in my foundational hope in God and at the perfect moment, try to enter into my heart. I haven’t surrendered it all to Him. Right as these thoughts graced my mind, I pictured God sitting on His throne. I was standing a few feet away with a box in my hands. I took all the things that tore me out of His love like: fear, doubt, not trusting in His perfect plan and placed them in the box. I start to walk closer, head bowed, arms stretched out and hand Him my box. He looks at it; hold it in His hands for a minute. Then He looks me in the eye and says, “It’s about time!” True life. I started laughing out loud in church – Oh, God has a sense of humor. I guess He has to when the box that I handed Him was weighed down with 25 years of snowballed anxiety. It’s a mystery how they even fit in the box. I guess that’s what happens when we approach the throne – the things that consume our world are just that much smaller in comparison to God’s glory. Everyday is a new box. But my box is a daily representation of trust and thanksgiving. I trust His plan. I can pass the box over to My God. I can let it go. Letting my worry go doesn’t mean we will never think about it again, but it allows us to not be haunted by the lies that we can’t change. I am thankful for the amazing blessings God has given me and I can live with the peace that guards my heart from the lies that it is not enough. 

He Is Jealous For Me!

September 13, 2012

Hello God,

I don’t know what you are doing, but I like it a lot.

Yes, that was the prayer I just prayed before writing this. So many times I’ve heard people say, “Oh, God is wrecking my world” but never took the time to understand why they would find joy in something being ruined. As my narrow minded point of view would only point out the negative, little did I see that when a life is ruined by God it is only an opportunity to rebuild it for His glory. So…  I must admit, God is WRECKING my world…. With a capital WRECKING! I have never been so satisfied, and I have no clue what is next. I am walking blindly on this journey, only to be holding the hand of the one who sees it all with perfect vision. I am safe in the arms of Jesus and there is nowhere else I’d rather be that right where I am in this moment.  The great part about life is that we get to walk hand in hand with the one who has overcome any and every obstacle that I am facing right now in this second or things I will face in the future. My heart is ready and my hands are holding firm in the grip of His mercy and love.

The past week or so has been instrumental in my growth toward Jesus. Being able to share life with some amazing people and encourage each other in our growth and dependence on Jesus has left me wanting so much more of my Savior. I cannot get enough and yet I am fully satisfied… say what? If I could explain it, I would but I have no words.

I’ve always known that God was a jealous God. It did not hit me until tonight as to how this fact has played out in my own life. God stripped me of everything I thought I needed. A great job, living on my own, independence, money… .and more money. And not until 10 minutes ago did I realize why…I was giving each of these things priorities over Him. I was still holding on to the things I thought I needed and not giving Him full control over it all, so the obvious thing to do was to take it away so all that I could see what His face. His face is so beautiful when there are no distractions to take your vision out of focus. He knew I needed a fresh start and by golly that is what I got/am living in right now. It is so freeing to not know what is next, but to be completely in tune with His heartbeat for my life. I may not know where the next step is or how to get out of my present circumstances, but I get to walk through life on this path with Jesus… What joy and peace is found in knowing His love.

So, thank you, God for taking it all away so all I see is you. May my heart beat for you and my lips praise your Holy name. You alone are worthy.

“My whole life is yours, I give it all, surrender to your name. And forever I will say…have your way!” - Hillsong

I'll Start Monday...

Day 460

I’ll start Monday…

How many times have I said this in my lifetime… approximately every single Friday night…or Tuesday morning…or when I want sweets… so every day that is not Monday! Why do I do this? To me, it seems like I am just buying myself time to be bad in anticipation of starting to be good the following days. Even last week, I found myself saying this and realized there is something a lot deeper that Satan is trying to do in my head when I put off these necessary changes in the right direction. To me, its an excuse. To Satan, it is a nasty lie that is going deeper and deeper into my head saying that, “You’ve gone too far now, you can turn around. You’re not good enough to make these changes so you might as well just stick to your old ways and get over yourself.”

I recently started reading a book called, “Made To Crave,” and in that have soooo realized that my “craving” for food or attention or anything for that matter, is due to the reality that I am made to crave. God made us to want so badly it hurts, but the problem comes when our cravings are directed toward the wrong things… pretty much anything but Him. I know that may seem trivial for some, but for me that was such an eye-opener.  All these battles I’ve faced for years and years have been a misplaced need for Jesus. Say What?!? Now the hard part, is knowing that and changing everything that I’ve ever told myself was acceptable. “I’m not feeling good, I’ll eat some chocolate. I’ve had a bad day, I’ll get some Starbucks. It’s dark outside so I deserve sweets. I woke up today…therefore I deserve _____” … fill in the blank. My head is a downward spiral of excuses and I wonder how I got to where I am. Good one, Satan. It is the little excuses we make that turn into a life of less than the greatness that God intended for us. What. A. Revelation. I wrote a quote from the book down, and have been trying to embed this truth into my brain. The author said, “The more we operate in the truth of who we are and the reality that we were made for more, the closer to God we’ll become!”

BAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! We are made for more. I am made for more than this reoccurring defeat of not being able to successfully keep weight off or insecurities within myself. This truth is that we can’t do it, we will not be successful on our own. But, our hope in successfully defeating these emotional beat-downs that Satan is so quick to issue is the fact that there is an empty tomb, a risen savior, and unending grace for when we fail. It took me till about 2 weeks ago to realize that the power that raised Jesus from the dead is in me…. What is stopping me? The power that brought sight to the blind, the power that walked on water, the power that defeated death… DEFEATED DEATH. THAT power is in me… !!!!!! So with that knowledge and that power, there will be change. Let me tell you, since realizing this Satan has been on beat-down-Kristi overload. I mean I walked outside and it freaking smelt like French fries only to turn around and see a giant sundae on a billboard… COME ON!! Haha In that moment I finally understood something that Louie Giglio said at church last week, “The enemy lie you into the hole but don’t let him doubly lie to you and tell you that you have to continue to walk in it!”  I CAN CONQUER THIS! Not because of power of my ability, but Power from my perfect Savior who is waiting for His power to be made perfect in my weakness. I will gladly boast in Him, cause I know there is no other way I can be victorious amongst the screams to fall back into the pit. So, Satan, get out of my head…I have work to do! Let’s do this, Jesus! 

Can't get no satisfaction...

Struggle. A word that each of us are all too accustomed to. Recently, I have been under the influence of this word in many ways but most awfully in finding complete satisfaction in God. Saying...well typing...this makes me think of just how stupid it sounds. How could I not be satisfied in the One who gave everything He had for me..unworthy, unlovable me? Why do I struggle in finding complete satisfaction in His Word, His love, and His Heart. I had a 5 hour car ride from Woodstock to Hinesville, GA to think about this answer and only one thing came to mind..... This world. Society. Our sinful nature. Satan. Ok, maybe a lot more than one thing, but they can all be rolled together in a great big ball of temptation. I can not discount that Satan is at work in this world and trying to use every power of his to minimize our faith and our hope in Jesus. Finding satisfaction in Jesus is so hard, because it is Satan's goal to refocus our eyes on things we do not have...i'll be the first to admit it. I think my problem is that He is so worthy and I am so...Not...It just doesn't seem possible. But this struggle in finding satisfaction stems from the lies that Satan is dangling in my face - you don't have ___ then you are not good enough. 

In this car ride down to the boonies, I still struggled with the back and forth argument with my heart and my head. My heart wants so badly to live 100% in awe of my Jesus, but my head still sees the worldly things being flashed around seeming so obtainable. The answer FINALLY hit me....it was like God was saying, but i'm here, isn't that enough? Don't you get it? I am here and I came for you, to love you, to know you, so why do you want more? I know this answer may seem trivial ... duh - anyone who goes to church for one sunday would realize this. But how hard is it to live out...FULLY. Wholeheartedly. 100%. This world screams with temptations of love, happiness, and momentary joy. The great part is - Jesus didn't have to scream it out. He lived it out. He died for it. He defeated death so that IT...true love, happiness, and His Joy...can be found through Him and only Him. Living in this world is hard, but the reward comes after this temporary life is lived and we get to experience joy for eternity. That is satisfaction at its finest. 

So...when satisfaction is searched for in this world, it may never truly be found. We will always have this world throwing things out way, but isn't it nice to know that in the mere search for Jesus, we can truly be satisfied...that's all it takes...just searching - to know Him more, to love Him more, to follow Him. We may now know everything, but just a part of Jesus is more than enough. Praise Jesus!

If faith can move the mountains...Let the mountains move!!!

My journal from May 14, 2011 - 

One year. One year from May 14, 2011 - resume dating. No dating, no nothing...at all. Just me and God figuring out this thing that we call life. I realize this is probably going to be the hardest year of my life, but I am His and I am beautiful to Him. I am not a commodity, I am His child and His love. I owe Him all of me and I'm starting with this year. I can finally say I am ready for this transformation. I'm not here to waste anyone's time, especially not the One who has lifted me from the depths of dispair and was waiting for me with open arms to come back. So, here we go...This is officially day #1 - Me and God...Let's Do This!!

Today!! May 14, 2012

One year...aka 52 weeks...aka 365 days...aka 525,948.766 minutes - is OVER!! May 14, 2011 God put it on my heart to undertake a task that I never thought I would see the end of...give up dating for a year. Now, to some people this may not seem like a big deal - but to the people who knew me 366 days ago...this was a HUGE deal. No dating, no NOTHING...one year! Some of my friends laughed in my face when I told them, others were extremely supportive (thank you more than words can say to those who were... seriously would not have made it without your prayers and guidance!)- but even I didn't realize at the time the true meaning behind why I got myself into this awful whole year without dating deal...but God did. My  reasoning was pretty much because nothing else was working - isn't that when we turn to God? When everything is going wrong and we can't seem to figure it out ourselves? Only at that point did I let God step in and unbeknownst to myself - it was a year that would begin with a focus on dating and relationships and change into something so much more powerful, so much more eternal.

Many of you know the story behind this "year thing" but I'll sum it up for those of you who haven't heard. I was back home for a few days in my off season from Aspen, and I was at the lakehouse with some of my friends. I can't remember how we got on the subject but my bffl Brittany started telling me about a new series that Andy Stanley had started called "The New Rules for Love, Sex and Dating." (If the title alone doesn't reel you in...we have problems.) She was talking about how great it was and that I should really listen to it. All I needed to hear was the title and I was ready to go! So, I promised I would listen and on my drive from Woodstock to Aspen (yes...26 hours) I decided to plug it in and see what Andy had to say.

Approximately 25 minutes and 15 seconds into part one of this series, I was pulled over on the side of the road balling my eyes out. God has broken me to my core in a matter of seconds. Andy had just finished a story about a girl who moved to Atlanta and wanted to get into the dating scene, so she decided to put God on the back-burner. Not that she didn't believe in God, but He just wasn't going to be a factor in her relationships. A while down the road she was at a gathering and met a guy who was "The whole package." She said he had the looks, the job, the personality and he was a Christian. She went home to tell her mom about this guy and her mother turned to her and said...wait for it...

"A guy like him, isn't looking for a girl like you."

Don't think I need to repeat that one... but I will..."A guy like him...isn't looking for a girl like you."

DANNNNNG! If God can come down and slap sense into someone, He did it to me as soon as those words left Andy's mouth. I was floored, not just by that sentence, but by the fact that that girl was me... I had no direction, I didn't care what God had for me, and I was so content on going it alone proving to everyone and to God that I could do things all by myself. HA! The guilt and shame that covered me screamed that I was never worthy of any of these great things God had planned. I did this to myself...I was this way now and forever and there was no changing the crazy Kritty09 who had prided herself on having the most guys, drinking the most at parties, and spending every last dime for momentary satisfaction.

But God broke through those lies, dispelled the darkness, and placed this truth on my heart - "I have something so much better for you...better than you can ever imagine." So, the next week as the newest part of the series came out, Andy challenged the guys who were listening to take a year off of dating. I automatically threw myself in that category since I thought about dating like all the guys I had known...temporary, get it while you can, and be done with it in the morning. So, I took the challenge. Like guys...I always like a good challenge and this one was the mother of all challenges.

So fast forward to today. I get to look back and be absolutely amazed at Jesus. He didn't have to...but He did. He didn't have to wait for me...but He did. He didn't have to pull me from a pit that I dug and was drowning in...but He did. He didn't have to meet me where I was...in a place of pure darkness and patiently guide me into the light...but He did! HE DID!! And the thought of it brings me to tears, because I get to look back and not be bound by the chains of the past, but free to share His story of redemption through me. Many people have asked what I have learned this past year, and all I can ask is how much time they have. Trying to sum up this monstrous undertaking that God did, can't even be touched by my insanely small vocabulary, but I will try.

1) God is able! God...Is...Able. My problem, before this year, was I tried to replace God in that sentence with Kristi. No, Kristi is not able...Kristi is human and fails! When God stepped into the picture, he brought change with him. Change that I was neither prepared for nor excited about, but it came like a ton of bricks and there was no stopping it! "When divine interruptions happen, lives are transformed"- Christine Caine. How genius is this? Christine said this when she spoke at the Passion Conferences in January and these words have rung in my ear as truth ever since. Sometimes these divine interruptions may seem like an interference - but either way you look at it my life needed a brutal smackdown, attitude adjustment, and focus shifting - who better than God to apply this :)

2) God's plan over Kristi's plan - when weighing my options its humorous to think the latter was even considered, but up to this point a year ago that is all I cared about. What did I want, what did I need, what satisfied me the most at the time. SUCH A JOKE! Kristi's plan = temporary. God's plan = eternal. God offers us an amazing life in Him so that we can be a part of something that is so much greater than ourselves. Who doesn't want that? That is what I was searching for all these years but was too stubborn to care about where to find it. Control is no longer mine, it is His and I don't have to stress about anything...and I'm...FINALLY... completely okay with that!

3) I am nothing...He is everything. I am His. I love the song "Forgiven and Loved" by Jerrod Neihman (sp?) it says: "On calvary I stand, empty pockets, open hands, oh there is no condemnation for me!"What beautiful words to represent the perfect heart of my savior. I am not condemned, I am His, I am Whole, and I am forgiven and loved! I did nothing to get me to this point, but He has done everything. Dang - Jesus is amazing! In my darkest hour, He patiently waited for me and welcomed me back...broken and bruised but to Him I was beautiful. I am His.

4) If faith can move the mountians... LET THE MOUNTAINS MOVE!! I got to wake up to the sight of the Colorado Rockies for almost a year and a half, but even to see one of them actually move wouldn't have been as spectacular as what Jesus has done in my life in this past year. I guess this entry is my thankful heart to Him. All I can give is all of me - He already gave all of Himself to rescue this drowning soul - so it begins...the rest of my life. I don't have the shield of "Oh, I'm not dating for a year" anymore... But I have His strength and His promise that He will guide me through.

This year starts with "The New Rules for Love, Sex and Dating" and just ended with a new series from Louie Giglio at Passion City called, "Boy Meets Girl." Ironic? No. Isn't God funny with how he moves us? Just a little send off into the world of dating - just in case you forgot anything - here is a few more weeks of information for you to take with you in your journey! In both of these series' I experienced Jesus' heart for me. He has the best in mind. No, I can't read the end of the book to make sure everything turns out okay, but I do know the writer of my script. If He says it's all going to work out, I will put my full faith in that hope!

So, here we go! Me and Jesus - and I'm SOOO EXCITED to see what He has in store! It is greater than I could ever know and I know whatever it is I am not alone :) Let's Do This!!

God Is Able

GOD IS ABLE!!

“God is Able

He will never fail

He is almighty God

Greater than all we seek

Greater than all we ask

He has done great things

Lifted up, He defeated the grave

Raised to life, our God is able

In His name, we overcome

For the Lord, our God is able

God is with us

God is on our side

He will make a way

Far above all we know

Far above all we hope

He has done great things"

This song by Hillsong has been ringing in my ears for the last few weeks. God is able. I don’t know if before this whole “year thing” I would have ever considered this to be true but now I can see it becoming more and more of a reality in my life. God is able, He can, and He will…only if we believe. Looking back on just this year alone, God is able. He took a confused, searching, insecure girl and turned my life upside down, only to say, “I have so much more for you than you can even imagine.” The whole concept of trust did not come easily for me. It is hard enough, sometimes, to trust people you come in contact with everyday, so having to say I trust this God who loves me, died for me, and rose to defeat death…for me, but oh, I’ve never seen Him, never come into contact with Him, and never heard His voice was somewhat difficult. What’s the saying “hindsight is 20-20?” You see, as I look back and see how far away I was from even caring about God and what He had planned for me, I can do nothing but trust and believe in Him because of how far He has taken me away from the pit I was in for so long. He waited for me. He took me little by little through the pain I had inflicted on myself and washed it away with His love. So, yes, I believe with all my heart that God is Able! 

God can take this waiting period (which everyone knows I’m not exactly fond of waiting) and turn it into a gift. Yep – I said it. Waiting is a gift – Why? Because there are too many things me and God need to work out to become who He wants me to be! So, for that, I am thankful! Waiting for what you might ask… and I can say with humbled certainty that I don’t know, but God does. How do I know… he told me… and you J “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

I don’t know about you, but it’s always nice to feel hope in situations that are out of your reach. So again… I will wait. With the hope that God is able to do whatever He has planned, and that plan is greater than I can imagine!! How exciting! God is able. He can. He will.